And I officially turned 19!
Friday, December 12, 2014
Friday, November 28, 2014
Your presence has been making a wonderful impact to my life. Keep it up and one day I might actually protect it from getting stolen by someone else. I'll try my best to become a wonderful person to you as well. I'm always showing my true self to you so you'll learn to live with my flaws. So far you have been wonderful with my flaws. I love you for that. Maybe, our relationship will go to the next level, soon? Who knows.... only Allah can decide if we're meant to be together. But I have a good feeling about this one. Probably just my instinct but I'm betting my life on this.
Tuesday, November 25, 2014
Falling in love?
Jealousy?
Truth?
Admitting?
Complications.........
That's one word to describe all 4. Complications.....
Honestly, I've always wanted to fall in love but I always feel scared to start it. I was never good at it. I thought maybe it will change when I enter the "adult world" but it is still the same. Probably because I never actually had the chance to properly fall in love, with the right person... I feel like now is the time. The time to take this more seriously. I'm turning 19 years old in 2 weeks, and 20 years old next year. I should start thinking rationally, more like an "adult".
Why am I talking about this? Well because I am in love... I've been in love with the same boy for 2 months now. Still going strong. It all started with just "a crush" then it slowly turned into just more than a crush. He became someone meaningful to me. To be honest, when he said he's developing feelings for me, I was surprised at the same time happy. I was shocked that he actually like me back... So maybe we are "a thing" now. I honestly don't know what to call our relationship. There's no title behind it. He can just push me away anytime he wants. I know I won't, I mean I'm madly in love with him you see. All the days I spent with him has been very lovely to me but behind all those happy memories there's always complications. Complications involving jealousy, truth and admitting. It's funny how it's a one-sided thing too. It's all within me, it's all me, feeling/wanting all three by myself. Don't you think it's unfair to treat someone who clearly hasn't let you go in a very nice way that would twist her mind saying there's still hope between the two of you while at the same time you're "dating" this other girl that you're suppose to pay attention more to? or even think about that other girl's feelings. Like how would she feel when you keep treating her like that. I mean you're nice and all but sometimes you just gotta come forward and tell her that there's no hope for us. If you admitting to me that that feeling of yours towards her has gone, why do I still feel afraid that one day you might push me away and go back to her. I've always had that going around my head for weeks now. I understand how you treat me now is not how I would imagine it would be. We're not at that "relationship" status but how long are you gonna make me wait. How long are you going to stop making that girl be "in the way" of us.... I don't see you making an effort in fixing that.
I always tell myself, be patient. Good things always happen when you wait. He constantly keep reminding me that. Sometimes patient has its limit and mine still hasn't reach there. I'm just hoping it would stay like that. I don't want myself to crack. I don't want to ruin this moment. I should just wait more and see what happens. Go with the flow, you know.
F.
Jealousy?
Truth?
Admitting?
Complications.........
That's one word to describe all 4. Complications.....
Honestly, I've always wanted to fall in love but I always feel scared to start it. I was never good at it. I thought maybe it will change when I enter the "adult world" but it is still the same. Probably because I never actually had the chance to properly fall in love, with the right person... I feel like now is the time. The time to take this more seriously. I'm turning 19 years old in 2 weeks, and 20 years old next year. I should start thinking rationally, more like an "adult".
Why am I talking about this? Well because I am in love... I've been in love with the same boy for 2 months now. Still going strong. It all started with just "a crush" then it slowly turned into just more than a crush. He became someone meaningful to me. To be honest, when he said he's developing feelings for me, I was surprised at the same time happy. I was shocked that he actually like me back... So maybe we are "a thing" now. I honestly don't know what to call our relationship. There's no title behind it. He can just push me away anytime he wants. I know I won't, I mean I'm madly in love with him you see. All the days I spent with him has been very lovely to me but behind all those happy memories there's always complications. Complications involving jealousy, truth and admitting. It's funny how it's a one-sided thing too. It's all within me, it's all me, feeling/wanting all three by myself. Don't you think it's unfair to treat someone who clearly hasn't let you go in a very nice way that would twist her mind saying there's still hope between the two of you while at the same time you're "dating" this other girl that you're suppose to pay attention more to? or even think about that other girl's feelings. Like how would she feel when you keep treating her like that. I mean you're nice and all but sometimes you just gotta come forward and tell her that there's no hope for us. If you admitting to me that that feeling of yours towards her has gone, why do I still feel afraid that one day you might push me away and go back to her. I've always had that going around my head for weeks now. I understand how you treat me now is not how I would imagine it would be. We're not at that "relationship" status but how long are you gonna make me wait. How long are you going to stop making that girl be "in the way" of us.... I don't see you making an effort in fixing that.
I always tell myself, be patient. Good things always happen when you wait. He constantly keep reminding me that. Sometimes patient has its limit and mine still hasn't reach there. I'm just hoping it would stay like that. I don't want myself to crack. I don't want to ruin this moment. I should just wait more and see what happens. Go with the flow, you know.
F.
Tuesday, September 16, 2014
Comeback.
It's been too long...
I've been having this dilemma, should I risk my pride and blurt it out to him or keep it to myself until I feel like it's the right time. It sucks really... this feeling I've been feeling since that day. But something is holding it back. Something that I don't have the power to stop it. So I've been keeping it to myself for the past few months, really. Though at time it kind of sucks not being able to tell the truth and sometimes it feels great keeping it a secret because you get to enjoy getting to know this person. The saying "a boy and a girl can never be just best friend." is totally real. Experience once and experiencing it again. Once was a failure but the long-lasting friendship is still there, Alhamdulillah. Sometimes it doesn't make sense, from the first time you meet or known each other and just suddenly one day you share secrets or problems to each other. Life just can be bizarre sometimes. I still can't remember how I got so close to him till today... The feeling is great but honestly I'm scared. I've always been. I really like having a boy as a best friend, but sometimes the thought of might falling in love with each other might happen in the friendship, it always does. You can't seem to avoid it but it just matter of timing. Mine might be a bad timing. Can't really blame it, my life has been a mess of bad timing and wrong decisions in terms of relationship. Probably, reason why I was never in a serious relationship that could last more than a year. I was always that girl that wants to get married early and I still do. At the age of 22 years old, really.... I told my mum. "Ma, I want to get married at 22..." and she replied "You can, but do you have a boyfriend? Are you sure?" then we just laughed at that last statement. How am I suppose to make it happen if I can't fix it, right. I guess I would just have to wait and see. I almost had the chance to blurt it out but....
F.
I've been having this dilemma, should I risk my pride and blurt it out to him or keep it to myself until I feel like it's the right time. It sucks really... this feeling I've been feeling since that day. But something is holding it back. Something that I don't have the power to stop it. So I've been keeping it to myself for the past few months, really. Though at time it kind of sucks not being able to tell the truth and sometimes it feels great keeping it a secret because you get to enjoy getting to know this person. The saying "a boy and a girl can never be just best friend." is totally real. Experience once and experiencing it again. Once was a failure but the long-lasting friendship is still there, Alhamdulillah. Sometimes it doesn't make sense, from the first time you meet or known each other and just suddenly one day you share secrets or problems to each other. Life just can be bizarre sometimes. I still can't remember how I got so close to him till today... The feeling is great but honestly I'm scared. I've always been. I really like having a boy as a best friend, but sometimes the thought of might falling in love with each other might happen in the friendship, it always does. You can't seem to avoid it but it just matter of timing. Mine might be a bad timing. Can't really blame it, my life has been a mess of bad timing and wrong decisions in terms of relationship. Probably, reason why I was never in a serious relationship that could last more than a year. I was always that girl that wants to get married early and I still do. At the age of 22 years old, really.... I told my mum. "Ma, I want to get married at 22..." and she replied "You can, but do you have a boyfriend? Are you sure?" then we just laughed at that last statement. How am I suppose to make it happen if I can't fix it, right. I guess I would just have to wait and see. I almost had the chance to blurt it out but....
F.
Sunday, June 1, 2014
1st of June.
Hello there,
Ended my May with confession, deep conversation and a newly information about how someone is jealous of/hates me. I never once in my life heard from someone that someone out there actually is jealous of me and sort of hates me because of my character. It is usually vice versa where I'm the one that will be jealous of other people. I'm quite surprised myself and knowing that that person is my own friend just shocks me really. Probably reason why she's been acting oddly around me. Ah! The reason behind she hates me as well gave me quite the shock. It just how I am. That's just how I treat every guy. I am flirtatious around guys sometimes a bit too much to certain people who I become close to but that's just me, my flaws. Can't really throw it away, it's been like this since school days. Probably why I never get guys. Too flirtatious around every single guy I'm friends with. Well I don't blame her for hating me, if I were someone else, I would hate myself too. I mean being flirty around your friend's boyfriend/ex-boyfriend just gives off the wrong impression to people around you. Or even breaking off the "rule of feminism" you know chicks before dicks... Well at least this is a way for me to fix myself right?
So what is this confession, deep conversation thing? Well technically I didn't confess. The guy himself find out by himself. I straight up told him I didn't want to talk about it to him yet because it's a bad timing but oh well my life consists of bad timings anyway so the secret came out. It wasn't so bad. He wasn't ready, I wasn't ready (sort of) so we're just... friends. It was a pretty meaningful deep conversation of course. I'm stuck between three ridiculous choices 1) hope on him 2) wait for him or 3) go and get him. Note that those "hims" are totally 3 different guys. See what I mean, ridiculous! When I say "hope on him", I mean wait for that "perfect" moment where my second chance will come by. Yes, I met up with him last three days. It was the most meritorious day ever! I finally get to see him after 4 months not seeing each other and finally get to have a proper conversation with him. I get to explain to him about what happen last time, he told me how he felt throughout the whole relationship/break up. We are on good terms now, alhamdulillah. What made it so memorable was that I get to do something I've always wanted... hug him. I get to hug him and what surprised me was he hugged me back. I mean yeah obviously he hugs me back but not that way. It was a hug where he closes his hand together on my back and hugs me tightly. I wasn't expecting him to hug me back like that. At that moment I know that it was definitely not the right time yet. When I say "wait for him", I mean wait until he tells me he's ready. We are getting closer everyday, getting to know each other more which is great. All hopes are on the Almighty himself of course. When I say "go and get him", literally mean GO AND GET HIM. That guy who I've been eye candying since the start of my degree which was in March. 3 months! and I still haven't got the chance or brave enough to approach him and say hi. One thing about this guy is that he has this first impression where you'll be like "wow this guy must be arrogant", also why I couldn't approach him, he intimidates me but we know that both of us exist in our eyes. We already encountered many coincidence meetings. His friend even notice it. Maybe I should approach him by approaching his friends first. Hmm...
I've come to realize that my life consists of bad timing and wrong decisions. Oh well what to do, that's just how Allah wants my life to be.
Decided to study abroad in New Zealand. I'm half excited and half scared because if I go, I have to leave my family, friends, close friends, lovers (cats) and my Eliza (piano). Especially my baby cat, Kitty. I can't imagine how her life would be when I'm not around because we're so used to being with each other every night. 2 years is not short... leaving your close friends is even more terrifying. Especially the one you're in love with... trying to keep in touch won't be that easy. I'll probably be home sick every 2 weeks. Missing my mum, dad, brothers and sister and even my maid. But of course I'm excited to meet new people, experience the culture and experience new things in New Zealand. Why I choose there? I like quite places. New Zealand is the no.1 most peaceful country in the whole world. Who wouldn't want to go there? The surrounding is already beautiful, nature, sheep, the ocean... just beautiful. Subhahanallah! Oh Allah! I pray to you so that you can help me to achieve this goal of mine in being able to study abroad. Amin!
F.
Ended my May with confession, deep conversation and a newly information about how someone is jealous of/hates me. I never once in my life heard from someone that someone out there actually is jealous of me and sort of hates me because of my character. It is usually vice versa where I'm the one that will be jealous of other people. I'm quite surprised myself and knowing that that person is my own friend just shocks me really. Probably reason why she's been acting oddly around me. Ah! The reason behind she hates me as well gave me quite the shock. It just how I am. That's just how I treat every guy. I am flirtatious around guys sometimes a bit too much to certain people who I become close to but that's just me, my flaws. Can't really throw it away, it's been like this since school days. Probably why I never get guys. Too flirtatious around every single guy I'm friends with. Well I don't blame her for hating me, if I were someone else, I would hate myself too. I mean being flirty around your friend's boyfriend/ex-boyfriend just gives off the wrong impression to people around you. Or even breaking off the "rule of feminism" you know chicks before dicks... Well at least this is a way for me to fix myself right?
So what is this confession, deep conversation thing? Well technically I didn't confess. The guy himself find out by himself. I straight up told him I didn't want to talk about it to him yet because it's a bad timing but oh well my life consists of bad timings anyway so the secret came out. It wasn't so bad. He wasn't ready, I wasn't ready (sort of) so we're just... friends. It was a pretty meaningful deep conversation of course. I'm stuck between three ridiculous choices 1) hope on him 2) wait for him or 3) go and get him. Note that those "hims" are totally 3 different guys. See what I mean, ridiculous! When I say "hope on him", I mean wait for that "perfect" moment where my second chance will come by. Yes, I met up with him last three days. It was the most meritorious day ever! I finally get to see him after 4 months not seeing each other and finally get to have a proper conversation with him. I get to explain to him about what happen last time, he told me how he felt throughout the whole relationship/break up. We are on good terms now, alhamdulillah. What made it so memorable was that I get to do something I've always wanted... hug him. I get to hug him and what surprised me was he hugged me back. I mean yeah obviously he hugs me back but not that way. It was a hug where he closes his hand together on my back and hugs me tightly. I wasn't expecting him to hug me back like that. At that moment I know that it was definitely not the right time yet. When I say "wait for him", I mean wait until he tells me he's ready. We are getting closer everyday, getting to know each other more which is great. All hopes are on the Almighty himself of course. When I say "go and get him", literally mean GO AND GET HIM. That guy who I've been eye candying since the start of my degree which was in March. 3 months! and I still haven't got the chance or brave enough to approach him and say hi. One thing about this guy is that he has this first impression where you'll be like "wow this guy must be arrogant", also why I couldn't approach him, he intimidates me but we know that both of us exist in our eyes. We already encountered many coincidence meetings. His friend even notice it. Maybe I should approach him by approaching his friends first. Hmm...
I've come to realize that my life consists of bad timing and wrong decisions. Oh well what to do, that's just how Allah wants my life to be.
Decided to study abroad in New Zealand. I'm half excited and half scared because if I go, I have to leave my family, friends, close friends, lovers (cats) and my Eliza (piano). Especially my baby cat, Kitty. I can't imagine how her life would be when I'm not around because we're so used to being with each other every night. 2 years is not short... leaving your close friends is even more terrifying. Especially the one you're in love with... trying to keep in touch won't be that easy. I'll probably be home sick every 2 weeks. Missing my mum, dad, brothers and sister and even my maid. But of course I'm excited to meet new people, experience the culture and experience new things in New Zealand. Why I choose there? I like quite places. New Zealand is the no.1 most peaceful country in the whole world. Who wouldn't want to go there? The surrounding is already beautiful, nature, sheep, the ocean... just beautiful. Subhahanallah! Oh Allah! I pray to you so that you can help me to achieve this goal of mine in being able to study abroad. Amin!
F.
Sunday, May 11, 2014
5:38PM
Happy Mother's Day!
I love you mum you know that right.
Sunday has been very productive. Alhamdulillah! Though my plan with my friend got cancelled. I was really looking forward to go jogging and playing futsal to keep fit but oh well. I got to clean my room, change my bed sheets and wash the bathroom after months not actually cleaning it properly due to me being so busy. At least I spent my morning the right way. Had lunch with the family because daddy wanted to have a meeting for my two brothers'wedding in two weeks. Wow! I can't believe one by one they are getting married. My family is getting bigger with more nieces and hopefully nephews. Alhamdulillah! Lunch was delicious, of course. Did a bit of my assignments. It feels really great when you get to finish your assignments early then you don't have to panic and be stressful about it. Though I am pretty nervous for tomorrow's group presentation. I hope I get to present the material in the right way so I get good marks. Oh Allah, help me out! Ah! Did I mention my favourite author replied to my email! Jean Ure replied to my email! I was so happy last night. She answered to my question about "What's her ideal personal space". She gave me all the information I want. I'm surprised she even gave me every details on how she wants her furniture to look like and all. Ah! I can do this assignment more happily now! Good things has been happening to me ever since that day happened. Alhamdulillah as always! I hope this coming week will be good. Celebrating mother's day with mum and my sister tonight. Have a good day everyone!
F.
Saturday, May 10, 2014
5:44PM
Ah... My tears are dry to even fall down from my eyes. I am tired of crying. I am tired of trying. I am tired of trying to please someone. I AM JUST TIRED!!!! I am in one of those state where someone says no to your confession. Yes... he said no to me. That one guy I was hoping that he would be the one said no to me in front of me. I controlled my tears so much to the point I had to pretend to go to the toilet and cry in there alone. His reason made me feel bad for myself. I feel pathetic. I just got my pride hurt... well my pride has already been hurt since forever to be very honest. All my first move never work, shows how much I have to stop trying to make the first move cause not one guy would say yes. Well look on the bright side, maybe Allah is saving that one guy for me is just that He doesn't want to show it to me yet. I'll just keep praying and hoping for the one to come. I'm giving up... I'm going to stop trying to please some guy that would never like me back. I'm going to stop dressing up to please someone which is a sin. I'm suppose to dress up for myself AND FOR ALLAH. Sometimes I just forgets my priority. Which is to please Allah and not make a sin. I need to reflect. I need to repent my sins. I'm going to stop being obvious in front of every eye candy I see. I am going to stop being that pathetic girl. I'm 19 years old this year, I should be mature and act maturely. I'm turning into an adult next year I need to act like one! But honestly... when I was down last night. He actually tried to make me feel better even though it sort of didn't really work but I appreciate what he tried to do. The next time I see him I'm going to act normal like all this never happened because no I don't want to lose that friendship we had. I am really thankful to my good friend for being there for me that night. Bless him ya Allah for he has help me when I am down. This weekend will be the day where I freshen up and focus on something else rather than focusing on boys. Help me oh Allah as I am asking you for a sincere help right now to give me hope in life.
Amin.
F.
Wednesday, May 7, 2014
Wednesday; 9:41PM.
Hello there...
As always, I'm sorry for going missing. Looks like posting one post a month is going to be thing now. I have tons of stories and thoughts I want to post here but I just don't have the time. I am at my 8th week now and I am that busy with assignments. I need time to relax! It's okay, alhamdulillah, my semester break is in a week. At least I get to rest for a while.
I did something I would never imagine myself actually doing it. I was brave enough to approach a complete stranger and say hi and became friend. I was brave enough to actually confess to my crush, no not through internet but in person. YES! IN PERSON! Believe it or not, I actually made the first move to actually confess to a guy I've been admiring since October 2013. I still don't know if his answer a yes or no but through my perception it's a 50/50 matter. Honestly, things didn't go awkward when I confessed. We had a good two hours talk where we just sat at the stairs and talk about each other and I fell in love even more. It's a bit risky because he's from a different race/religion but I told myself, you never know if you don't try. I'm willing to take the risk and do this together if he's in. Even though I know the consequences if some problem arise. I'm changing my ways of seeing how relationship works. I don't want the high school type of relationship anymore. I want a relationship where it can get serious. InsyaAllah..
I'm getting closer to two idiots guys. We always hang out with each other in campus despite being in different courses but we get a long so well. Me being the youngest, I always get bullied or teased by them *sigh*. Whenever I have problems, I always go to them because they know what to say and they are the wisest men I know. I am glad I have them. I am also getting closer to this girl in my class. She's like the cutest thing ever! Amin.
F.
Saturday, April 12, 2014
It Has Been A While...
I'm sorry for disappearing again.
Ever since class started, I've been so busy with assignments and trying to get enough sleep. I've been going home late everyday because of class ending late evening and being far from home. Alhamdulillah my friend is there to help me get home faster and safer. I can pretty much say I'm getting closer with him. He has been there a lot for me, he accepts my randomness and pretty much everything. I always go to him if I ever needed someone to talk to and he's always there ready to listen and help. Why? Because he knows exactly what to say, he's a wise man. Classes has been great so far, getting friendlier with the classmates. Even though we have this clique of Chinese people that pretty much doesn't want to spread around, they are actually okay. I feel like I've become a teacher's pet this semester. Not that I'm complaining, I actually like getting all the attention from the lecturers. It feels like, reminds me of the old days when I was in my last year of high school. I, myself has become a bit wiser than before. I'm changing how I am little by little even though it seems impossible but I am trying my best. The feel of getting closer with your friends are just amazing. When I'm down they always know how to make me get back up. There this guy who has been making my heart beats faster. I don't know if I want to call it love, it is probably just admiration, the feeling will probably go away unless...... I keep seeing him everyday sometimes three times a day, how can this feels go away just like that *sigh*. I must get to know him soon! He has been making me forget the man I once loved. I need to thank him! I miss my best friend. Almost a month since the last time I saw him. I'm so busy with assignments and classes, I have no time to finish reading "A Perfect Gentleman" by Imran Ahmad *sobs*. I sometimes feel like letting go of everyone and just be alone like in the past. It was the best time of my life, of course the loneliness is there but the peacefulness is great. I remember I decided to sit alone during break for like 4 hours and fate made me notice this guy with crutches. He was sitting at the table, alone. I couldn't help but stare and he noticed so we actually stared at each other for a numerous time. My point is, I wanted to go up to him so badly and just ask him how is he doing, talk to him and be friends but me being a coward, eventually didn't do it and just kept staring at him. Ah! How I miss that day. My relationship with Allah is decreasing, I've been rebellious for a few days. I hate the fact that that feeling of guilt was never there, not once! I remember how the Ustazah told us that when you don't something that is compulsory and the feeling of being scared of Allah is there, you would actually stand up and go do it but I didn't! That feeling of being scared of Him wasn't there. Shaytan overcame my fear instead and controlled my mind saying no to doing something I'm suppose to do. I'm always trying to do my best in becoming a better muslimah everyday but it is not easy when you don't have the faith.
I am going to stop here. Will try and update regularly.
F.
Ever since class started, I've been so busy with assignments and trying to get enough sleep. I've been going home late everyday because of class ending late evening and being far from home. Alhamdulillah my friend is there to help me get home faster and safer. I can pretty much say I'm getting closer with him. He has been there a lot for me, he accepts my randomness and pretty much everything. I always go to him if I ever needed someone to talk to and he's always there ready to listen and help. Why? Because he knows exactly what to say, he's a wise man. Classes has been great so far, getting friendlier with the classmates. Even though we have this clique of Chinese people that pretty much doesn't want to spread around, they are actually okay. I feel like I've become a teacher's pet this semester. Not that I'm complaining, I actually like getting all the attention from the lecturers. It feels like, reminds me of the old days when I was in my last year of high school. I, myself has become a bit wiser than before. I'm changing how I am little by little even though it seems impossible but I am trying my best. The feel of getting closer with your friends are just amazing. When I'm down they always know how to make me get back up. There this guy who has been making my heart beats faster. I don't know if I want to call it love, it is probably just admiration, the feeling will probably go away unless...... I keep seeing him everyday sometimes three times a day, how can this feels go away just like that *sigh*. I must get to know him soon! He has been making me forget the man I once loved. I need to thank him! I miss my best friend. Almost a month since the last time I saw him. I'm so busy with assignments and classes, I have no time to finish reading "A Perfect Gentleman" by Imran Ahmad *sobs*. I sometimes feel like letting go of everyone and just be alone like in the past. It was the best time of my life, of course the loneliness is there but the peacefulness is great. I remember I decided to sit alone during break for like 4 hours and fate made me notice this guy with crutches. He was sitting at the table, alone. I couldn't help but stare and he noticed so we actually stared at each other for a numerous time. My point is, I wanted to go up to him so badly and just ask him how is he doing, talk to him and be friends but me being a coward, eventually didn't do it and just kept staring at him. Ah! How I miss that day. My relationship with Allah is decreasing, I've been rebellious for a few days. I hate the fact that that feeling of guilt was never there, not once! I remember how the Ustazah told us that when you don't something that is compulsory and the feeling of being scared of Allah is there, you would actually stand up and go do it but I didn't! That feeling of being scared of Him wasn't there. Shaytan overcame my fear instead and controlled my mind saying no to doing something I'm suppose to do. I'm always trying to do my best in becoming a better muslimah everyday but it is not easy when you don't have the faith.
I am going to stop here. Will try and update regularly.
F.
Monday, March 31, 2014
March 31st 2014.
*sigh* I've been late on updates again...... I apologizes *bow*.
I've been as usual busy with university. This week my classes officially starts but still no lectures and tutorial just briefing about the module outline of the subjects. Though some subjects already require us to create a group to start our group assignments and what not. So far so good, the classes seems interesting and the lecturers were nice and fun. There were few more students coming in compare last week and to be honest, my course has 30+ students but only 20 of us came today. Our new friend from Sabah just became a part of our "group" and apparently this one guy also. So the group expands! I hope in the future, I'll get closer to the other students and get to know them better.
Apart from that, I've been trying to take to the next level with my best friend. We're both are afraid of the future, like what would happen if we break up but I told him that we'll try this together but he doesn't seem to really want it because he's worried, so I'm not going to force him. I mean I really don't want to ruin this friendship. So I'm just going to let him think about it and let him decide on his own, I'll just be here waiting for the answer.
During weekends and free times, I try to play my Eliza (piano) as much as I can to improve my skills. I've been playing the old songs I learned from my teacher that I haven't had the time to actually perfect it, so I'm slowly doing it and it's going progressively. I'm glad I got the piano. Alhamdulillah! I also play Sims 3 now and then because I'm just that bored *laughs*. I would probably stop playing when I start getting busy with assignments.
I feel really guilty with the sins I've committed. I really should repent my sins but I'm scared when I repent that I would repeat it back. My faith isn't as strong as it seems. It just always comes back. I'm always regretting towards the sins I've committed but I just can't seem to make myself repent in such a way where I promise to Allah that would not repeat it ever again. Though, I'm always praying to Allah to forgive me every day in hopes that He would forgive my sins little by little. Making an effort to become a better Muslim cause you never know when the world is going to end and I don't want my life to become a hell at the afterlife.
Pretty much nothing else happened this week and last week. I hope something interesting will happen in life this year.
F.
I've been as usual busy with university. This week my classes officially starts but still no lectures and tutorial just briefing about the module outline of the subjects. Though some subjects already require us to create a group to start our group assignments and what not. So far so good, the classes seems interesting and the lecturers were nice and fun. There were few more students coming in compare last week and to be honest, my course has 30+ students but only 20 of us came today. Our new friend from Sabah just became a part of our "group" and apparently this one guy also. So the group expands! I hope in the future, I'll get closer to the other students and get to know them better.
Apart from that, I've been trying to take to the next level with my best friend. We're both are afraid of the future, like what would happen if we break up but I told him that we'll try this together but he doesn't seem to really want it because he's worried, so I'm not going to force him. I mean I really don't want to ruin this friendship. So I'm just going to let him think about it and let him decide on his own, I'll just be here waiting for the answer.
During weekends and free times, I try to play my Eliza (piano) as much as I can to improve my skills. I've been playing the old songs I learned from my teacher that I haven't had the time to actually perfect it, so I'm slowly doing it and it's going progressively. I'm glad I got the piano. Alhamdulillah! I also play Sims 3 now and then because I'm just that bored *laughs*. I would probably stop playing when I start getting busy with assignments.
I feel really guilty with the sins I've committed. I really should repent my sins but I'm scared when I repent that I would repeat it back. My faith isn't as strong as it seems. It just always comes back. I'm always regretting towards the sins I've committed but I just can't seem to make myself repent in such a way where I promise to Allah that would not repeat it ever again. Though, I'm always praying to Allah to forgive me every day in hopes that He would forgive my sins little by little. Making an effort to become a better Muslim cause you never know when the world is going to end and I don't want my life to become a hell at the afterlife.
Pretty much nothing else happened this week and last week. I hope something interesting will happen in life this year.
F.
Monday, March 24, 2014
Power.
I actually have a title for today's update.......... achievement!
So my first day of orientation ended super well. It has to be better than the last one, probably because I was alone with no friends last time and this time I actually had my friends. Therefore, it became fun instead of boring.
We did the same thing they do every orientation for the first day. Introducing the university and all that stuff to the new students. After all the talk we had a lunch break, the 6 of us ate at Temptation. Boy do I miss that place so much, they make good food! I ate shepherd's pie and boy was it delicious. YUMS! One thing for sure, my whole aim coming to this orientation was to "cuci mata" also known as looking out for cute boys *chuckles* and so far so good, I found a lot of cute ones, too bad they will not be in my class. Maybe tomorrow, I'll get to see who is in my class since we're separating according to our own courses hmm.... Anyway! After lunch, we had yet again a campus hunt. At first, we din't want to go because we knew that it was going to be tiring and boring but we ended up joining. So the 4 of us went and approach one of the facilitators that didn't have any groups yet and 10 more came and join us as well. So we were one big team for this hunt. Surprisingly, it was more enjoyable than the last one, probably because the group I was in last time wasn't as friendly as this one. This one we actually participate together and helped out each other... it was nice. One thing for sure, for some reason I ended up being the "leader", I mean I was the one that lead them to the station (probably because the other 10 were new here), holding the "bank book" and reading out the clues *laughs*. So I had the power over them *evil laughs*... okay maybe not.... but I did a lot of "leading". The funny thing is before the hunt actually starts, we were placing this game called "Do you love your neighbour?". It's a really funny game, really. It was way to make us remember the team's members' names. At first, it was awkward and everyone was trying to remember everyone's name but at the end it became fun. It's funny because everyone had a hard time remembering my name *laughs*. Then, the real game starts. It ended which much fun. We became sort of closer to each other, I mean we were comfortable talking with each other now but honestly, I still can't remember half of their names *laughs*.
At some point, I saw my old classmates there, my friends and a few other familiar faces I didn't say hi to. It was really nice to go back there. I get to see my friends again, get to be the me who was happy and everyone judging me for always looking at cute boys *snorts*. I really miss this. I'm glad to be back.
F.
So my first day of orientation ended super well. It has to be better than the last one, probably because I was alone with no friends last time and this time I actually had my friends. Therefore, it became fun instead of boring.
We did the same thing they do every orientation for the first day. Introducing the university and all that stuff to the new students. After all the talk we had a lunch break, the 6 of us ate at Temptation. Boy do I miss that place so much, they make good food! I ate shepherd's pie and boy was it delicious. YUMS! One thing for sure, my whole aim coming to this orientation was to "cuci mata" also known as looking out for cute boys *chuckles* and so far so good, I found a lot of cute ones, too bad they will not be in my class. Maybe tomorrow, I'll get to see who is in my class since we're separating according to our own courses hmm.... Anyway! After lunch, we had yet again a campus hunt. At first, we din't want to go because we knew that it was going to be tiring and boring but we ended up joining. So the 4 of us went and approach one of the facilitators that didn't have any groups yet and 10 more came and join us as well. So we were one big team for this hunt. Surprisingly, it was more enjoyable than the last one, probably because the group I was in last time wasn't as friendly as this one. This one we actually participate together and helped out each other... it was nice. One thing for sure, for some reason I ended up being the "leader", I mean I was the one that lead them to the station (probably because the other 10 were new here), holding the "bank book" and reading out the clues *laughs*. So I had the power over them *evil laughs*... okay maybe not.... but I did a lot of "leading". The funny thing is before the hunt actually starts, we were placing this game called "Do you love your neighbour?". It's a really funny game, really. It was way to make us remember the team's members' names. At first, it was awkward and everyone was trying to remember everyone's name but at the end it became fun. It's funny because everyone had a hard time remembering my name *laughs*. Then, the real game starts. It ended which much fun. We became sort of closer to each other, I mean we were comfortable talking with each other now but honestly, I still can't remember half of their names *laughs*.
At some point, I saw my old classmates there, my friends and a few other familiar faces I didn't say hi to. It was really nice to go back there. I get to see my friends again, get to be the me who was happy and everyone judging me for always looking at cute boys *snorts*. I really miss this. I'm glad to be back.
F.
Sunday, March 23, 2014
Updates 2.
Since this was my last weekend to enjoy. I tried to enjoy as much as I can before tomorrow comes. So I did!
Yesterday was the most fun! I met 3 of my good friends back in high school. It was 5 of us including one of my friend's girlfriend. So we went to KLCC and watched Lego Movie and went to Kinokuniya. It was really fun and enjoyable. The movie was great..... it was my 2nd time watching it, no regrets! Bought a book at Kinokuniya..... *sigh* though my friend payed it for me. Surprisingly I went home late like around 8pm. My parents weren't home and nobody was home to pick me up from the train station so the 2 boys walked me home. So sweet of them, really. Then we just hung out at my house. I swear they were making their self at home, lying on the floor/cough *shake heads*. We took a lot of random pictures together, talked about things and they went home after 2 hours staying at my house.
Honestly, these guys were there for me a lot during high school. When I'm alone, they are always there to accompany me especially one of them, I've known him since first form, well you can say he was in the same class as me and we became friends since then, the other 2 we became close around second/third form. Since the 3 of them are like super close friends. Now everyone is in different part of city doing their courses, they got no time to see me anymore. I'm really glad, I got to see them yesterday. I wish I could see them often, it's really fun hanging out with them.
Today, I went to the shop to get me a piano. So we were browsing all the secondhand piano and I was testing it and after staying there for half an hour, we finally decided to buy one. We got it for a reasonable price consider it being a bit new. It's going to be delivered this Tuesday. I'm really excited to start practicing all the songs I wasn't able to practice properly and teach my niece how to play. She's going to love the piano as much as I do! I'm so excited to welcome my Eliza.
Tomorrow...... you'll probably see less updates from me as usual. So I'm sorry.
Friday, March 21, 2014
Updates
I'm sorry for going M.I.A. It was totally unintentional. I was just well.... let's just say I was sort of lazy to update heh. I kept procrastinating my blog updates. I mean I do have that "Uuuu, I'm gonna update my blog today" feeling but it just never happened.
But now I will because it's been too long.
First of all, as usually, I've been waking up at 10 in the morning and straight away play Sims 3. Honestly, I think it's very unhealthy of me to do that *sigh* but I can't help it, interesting incidents keeps on happening to my Sims. I still remember that one night when I was playing and all of a sudden my game was running so smoothly, with no lag and everything was happening fast and steady. I was so happy, I didn't want to stop playing but I had to. Then, the next day I was hoping for the same thing to happen.... but unfortunately it didn't happen. It was such a good 30 minutes playing the smooth game. Alhamdulillah!
Did I mention, my orientation is in 3 days?! Like next Monday?! Unbelievable!!! I'm utterly excited to go, to meet new people, meet my soon to be classmates, my old ones that's going to be in the same course as me, getting to know the course in details, etc. but of course, the downside, I'm super nervous. I'm officially a degree student, a BA (Hons) Interior Architecture student. I'm one step closer to be in the adulthood. Three and a half years course. How can I not be nervous and scared. I'm scared to find out the things we're going to do, the assignment and activities but I am excited to learn because I'm really interested in retail and storefront design. I'm trying to have fun on my last 2 days of holiday left before everything officially starts. *shivers*
One thing I'm most excited about is getting a piano! Allah finally showed me the sign saying "This is it, Fauza. You are going to get a piano. This is your time!". I'm so happy that my mum's friend was selling a piano at a affordable price. I'm going this Sunday with my parents to test it out and in hope to be able to go home with a piano. I am one step closer into getting my Eliza (yes I am naming my piano. It's short for Elizabeth *giggles*). I can finally play piano everyday (hopefully) to relax my mind and practice the songs I've been learning all this years then I wasn't able to properly play it. Amin!
I'm excited to go out tomorrow! I am finally seeing my best friend since first form. We haven't seen each other since the day we got our SPM result which was March 2013. Wow it has been a year!! We were such close friends back in high school, though at some point we seldom hang out during recess and all, we still love each other to bits. 6 years of friendship is a long time! Some say when a friendship last until 7 years, that friendship will last forever. Ohhhhhh I hope that is true! I really don't want to lose my friendship with this dude.
Honestly, I'm overwhelmed at the amount of things happening to me this weekend. I am going to enjoy my weekends as much as I can because I won't be able to enjoy like this when classes starts.
I've been so into this American series "Shameless". I can't remember how, when and what made me so into this series. It is such a good series with a good plot and character. This is their forth season, just a few more episode until the season ends then I have to wait for a year which is 2015 for them to release season 5. This show conveys a lot about sex, gay sex, alcohol, drugs, guns, violent, prostitute, etc. It sort of inspirational and deep. There's these 2 characters I really like, Ian and Mickey. Both of them are gay and are sort of "together" according to Mickey. I can say I ship them together. I know I'm forbid to support gay but I can't help myself. They are so cute together. Oh Allah! Forgive me, as this is only fictional characters! Every Sunday the show will be broadcast, though over here in Malaysia it would be Monday. I always wait for links to come out so I can watch it. This is my routine every week.
I am blessed to have such a joyful and happy week! Thank you Allah!
F.
But now I will because it's been too long.
First of all, as usually, I've been waking up at 10 in the morning and straight away play Sims 3. Honestly, I think it's very unhealthy of me to do that *sigh* but I can't help it, interesting incidents keeps on happening to my Sims. I still remember that one night when I was playing and all of a sudden my game was running so smoothly, with no lag and everything was happening fast and steady. I was so happy, I didn't want to stop playing but I had to. Then, the next day I was hoping for the same thing to happen.... but unfortunately it didn't happen. It was such a good 30 minutes playing the smooth game. Alhamdulillah!
Did I mention, my orientation is in 3 days?! Like next Monday?! Unbelievable!!! I'm utterly excited to go, to meet new people, meet my soon to be classmates, my old ones that's going to be in the same course as me, getting to know the course in details, etc. but of course, the downside, I'm super nervous. I'm officially a degree student, a BA (Hons) Interior Architecture student. I'm one step closer to be in the adulthood. Three and a half years course. How can I not be nervous and scared. I'm scared to find out the things we're going to do, the assignment and activities but I am excited to learn because I'm really interested in retail and storefront design. I'm trying to have fun on my last 2 days of holiday left before everything officially starts. *shivers*
One thing I'm most excited about is getting a piano! Allah finally showed me the sign saying "This is it, Fauza. You are going to get a piano. This is your time!". I'm so happy that my mum's friend was selling a piano at a affordable price. I'm going this Sunday with my parents to test it out and in hope to be able to go home with a piano. I am one step closer into getting my Eliza (yes I am naming my piano. It's short for Elizabeth *giggles*). I can finally play piano everyday (hopefully) to relax my mind and practice the songs I've been learning all this years then I wasn't able to properly play it. Amin!
I'm excited to go out tomorrow! I am finally seeing my best friend since first form. We haven't seen each other since the day we got our SPM result which was March 2013. Wow it has been a year!! We were such close friends back in high school, though at some point we seldom hang out during recess and all, we still love each other to bits. 6 years of friendship is a long time! Some say when a friendship last until 7 years, that friendship will last forever. Ohhhhhh I hope that is true! I really don't want to lose my friendship with this dude.
Honestly, I'm overwhelmed at the amount of things happening to me this weekend. I am going to enjoy my weekends as much as I can because I won't be able to enjoy like this when classes starts.
I've been so into this American series "Shameless". I can't remember how, when and what made me so into this series. It is such a good series with a good plot and character. This is their forth season, just a few more episode until the season ends then I have to wait for a year which is 2015 for them to release season 5. This show conveys a lot about sex, gay sex, alcohol, drugs, guns, violent, prostitute, etc. It sort of inspirational and deep. There's these 2 characters I really like, Ian and Mickey. Both of them are gay and are sort of "together" according to Mickey. I can say I ship them together. I know I'm forbid to support gay but I can't help myself. They are so cute together. Oh Allah! Forgive me, as this is only fictional characters! Every Sunday the show will be broadcast, though over here in Malaysia it would be Monday. I always wait for links to come out so I can watch it. This is my routine every week.
I am blessed to have such a joyful and happy week! Thank you Allah!
F.
Monday, March 17, 2014
Oh God I've been gone for far too long.
I'm sorry for the no update for the past 3 days.
All I can say is, the conversation I was hoping for that night, didn't succeed. I mean I was really happy that he replied to me and talked to me even for a while but instead of being about him, he managed to change the conversation to advising me about life.... sigh and about not worrying about him. With that, he just left me hanging. Our conversation didn't have an end.
Jerk.......!
Then, alhamdulillah it rained the whole day today. It was wonderful. Felt really chill and breezy. I'm glad the rain is back, washing away all the haze and gloomy faces. Apparently, FMFA day 3 got cancelled because of someone died of drug overdose the day before that. I for once am glad, I decided not to go and that my friend couldn't get the ticket for me. I knew this thing would happen at this type of concert, but to the extend of people dying, was just beyond my imagination. I'm glad Allah made me decided not to go. What I'm disappointed is that, the people died are mostly Muslim. I feel so ashamed that their faith in Allah decreased in that moment. Of course, as a Muslim, we're not encouraged to go to concerts because it is a place where Shaytan likes most. People will likely go wild and forgot themselves and just forgets the world.
Generation these days.... sigh.
Other than that, I've been playing Sims 3 all day.
I'm sorry for the no update for the past 3 days.
All I can say is, the conversation I was hoping for that night, didn't succeed. I mean I was really happy that he replied to me and talked to me even for a while but instead of being about him, he managed to change the conversation to advising me about life.... sigh and about not worrying about him. With that, he just left me hanging. Our conversation didn't have an end.
Jerk.......!
Then, alhamdulillah it rained the whole day today. It was wonderful. Felt really chill and breezy. I'm glad the rain is back, washing away all the haze and gloomy faces. Apparently, FMFA day 3 got cancelled because of someone died of drug overdose the day before that. I for once am glad, I decided not to go and that my friend couldn't get the ticket for me. I knew this thing would happen at this type of concert, but to the extend of people dying, was just beyond my imagination. I'm glad Allah made me decided not to go. What I'm disappointed is that, the people died are mostly Muslim. I feel so ashamed that their faith in Allah decreased in that moment. Of course, as a Muslim, we're not encouraged to go to concerts because it is a place where Shaytan likes most. People will likely go wild and forgot themselves and just forgets the world.
Generation these days.... sigh.
Other than that, I've been playing Sims 3 all day.
Thursday, March 13, 2014
Is it bad that I'm worried about GUY A. I don't know, he recently private his account on Twitter and then he just stop tweeting for 3 days now and he changed his picture to a blank black image. I really just want to text him and ask if everything is okay, but I know he would either a) not answer me. or b) he'll answer with "I'm fine". I know he still doesn't want to talk to me... but I went on Tumblr today, he's still using it. So I'm bit a less worried now. Though I still wonder what's going on. Like he has been a bit crappy all these months, more like ever since that incident happened. He has been a depressed fool.
Oh Allah, please calm him down and show him that he'll be okay. He doesn't need to worry, let him see the light of calm. Amin!
Oh Allah, please calm him down and show him that he'll be okay. He doesn't need to worry, let him see the light of calm. Amin!
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
The Sims 3.
Hello,
I have been playing Sims 3 lately. I mean like every time I wake up in the morning, the first I do is open my computer and play Sims 3, no regrets! Recently, interesting has been happening to my Sims while playing. It's actually really cool and fun! I used to get bored with Sims 3 so fast, probably because of the lack of expansion packs I have but I have like almost all of it? (*cough* pirated *cough*) and it has gotten even more fun. I couldn't stop playing because I want to see what we can do in the new expansion packs you know. I'm currently playing Island Paradise and damn it is cool! The fact we can scuba dive is just fun! and did you know we can attack sharks! and get a shark tooth as a bonus?? Apparently there are hidden islands we can discover if we have enough maps. I for once already have 2 private islands, one was found by me and another was given by someone just because my resort became a 5 stars resort. We have boats and a lot of new stuff.
Therefore, reasons why I didn't update yesterday was because I was just too busy playing Sims 3 and nothing really happened yesterday so I kind of forgot to update? Even today, nothing interesting really happened. Except the things happened in my game that is. In reality, no there wasn't anything interesting happening except watching Frozen with mum.
That's it.
F.
I have been playing Sims 3 lately. I mean like every time I wake up in the morning, the first I do is open my computer and play Sims 3, no regrets! Recently, interesting has been happening to my Sims while playing. It's actually really cool and fun! I used to get bored with Sims 3 so fast, probably because of the lack of expansion packs I have but I have like almost all of it? (
Therefore, reasons why I didn't update yesterday was because I was just too busy playing Sims 3 and nothing really happened yesterday so I kind of forgot to update? Even today, nothing interesting really happened. Except the things happened in my game that is. In reality, no there wasn't anything interesting happening except watching Frozen with mum.
That's it.
F.
Monday, March 10, 2014
Independent.
Nothing pretty much happened today.
I still can't find myself going to the LRT Station by myself. That traumatize incident still scares me. I do have the days where I just forced myself. I need to get used to this because no one can help me anymore. Everything is on my own now. My brothers and sister have their own life now (work/wives) so they won't bother me anyway. The only help I get from is my dad. Actually going to the LRT by myself, I still can manage to do but walking from the LRT to go home is the problem. Since the incident happened when I was walking home. I still can remember every scene that happened that day *sigh*.
My timetable is out. That's another scary thing. I am officially a BA (Hons) Interior Architecture student now. Of course my timetable is packed, there's no relaxing well except for Friday because no classes and Thursday I have like 4 hours break so *phew*. I've decided to work hard for this. No more joking around being lazy and procrastinating my assignments. For me to get that good CGPA and to go overseas, I need to start doing a portfolio of my own and study my asses off. I just hope there won't be any distraction (boys). I mean if I start liking a guy, I'm going to try my best not to actually do something about it. I'm just going to keep it to myself for the time being, unless he comes to me first, then it's a different thing *giggles*.
I feel like I should stop using money now. Like waste it on unnecessary stuff. I love saving money but I also like using it. I remember saving up to RM600 then I used it all up *laughs*. I pretty much spend a lot of money of K-pop related, no regrets though. I am saving up for concerts if ever my favourite group will come and also saving up for my trip to Poland and Korea. I really need them.
I'm 19 years old this year, so I'm trying to be as mature as I can be. You know, being independent. I wish 2014 will be a great year!
Yours truly,
F.
I still can't find myself going to the LRT Station by myself. That traumatize incident still scares me. I do have the days where I just forced myself. I need to get used to this because no one can help me anymore. Everything is on my own now. My brothers and sister have their own life now (work/wives) so they won't bother me anyway. The only help I get from is my dad. Actually going to the LRT by myself, I still can manage to do but walking from the LRT to go home is the problem. Since the incident happened when I was walking home. I still can remember every scene that happened that day *sigh*.
My timetable is out. That's another scary thing. I am officially a BA (Hons) Interior Architecture student now. Of course my timetable is packed, there's no relaxing well except for Friday because no classes and Thursday I have like 4 hours break so *phew*. I've decided to work hard for this. No more joking around being lazy and procrastinating my assignments. For me to get that good CGPA and to go overseas, I need to start doing a portfolio of my own and study my asses off. I just hope there won't be any distraction (boys). I mean if I start liking a guy, I'm going to try my best not to actually do something about it. I'm just going to keep it to myself for the time being, unless he comes to me first, then it's a different thing *giggles*.
I feel like I should stop using money now. Like waste it on unnecessary stuff. I love saving money but I also like using it. I remember saving up to RM600 then I used it all up *laughs*. I pretty much spend a lot of money of K-pop related, no regrets though. I am saving up for concerts if ever my favourite group will come and also saving up for my trip to Poland and Korea. I really need them.
I'm 19 years old this year, so I'm trying to be as mature as I can be. You know, being independent. I wish 2014 will be a great year!
Yours truly,
F.
Sunday, March 9, 2014
Doubts.
I feel like this guy likes me. I don't know..... maybe he does, maybe he doesn't. But the sign is obvious. I told my mum about it, she said try to avoid him if you can because you don't want to give him false hope. She's right. I honestly don't have feelings for him. Like there wasn't any sparks. I mean yeah I had fun going out with him yesterday but it was a friendly outing you know. Even my best friend said the same thing. It was just a friendly date, like getting to know each other. But I don't think I'll have any feelings for him. I mean there a few pros and cons and one of them is him being younger than me. I mean I really don't want to lead him one, give him false hope. If he ever confesses, I'm going to tell him that I don't want any relationship right now. I'm not even lying. I don't feel like having a boyfriend in my life right now because I want to focus my life with Allah.
I am worried. Oh Allah I hope I don't hurt his feelings.
Yours truly,
F.
I am worried. Oh Allah I hope I don't hurt his feelings.
Yours truly,
F.
Plane Crashes.
As you all know by now, it has been a day since the Malaysia Airline MH370 has been missing. Rumours are spreading everywhere saying they are this they are that. Of course, whatever people say on the Internet sometimes is not believable. But I think the plane crashing into the ocean is true. So now every country is helping Malaysia to find the plane. Of course it would take hours to find since the ocean is big! They could just crash at any parts of the South China Sea. There are also people who are blaming the pilot, blaming the plane, blaming the politic, blaming the country, blaming this, blaming that. I for once think that is just ridiculous. Plane crashes don't just happen for no reason. Reason why Titanic sank? Because people were selfish. People were greedy about the limelight, high class people think lowly of the low class people, the captain of the boat thinks highly of the ship that would never sink but look at what happen, it sank. Of course that's what everyone thinks. For me, being an Islam, we have another way of thinking "why" and "how". It is all in the power of Allah if a ship wants to sink or plane wants to crash. Reasons why Titanic sank in my preference from an Islamic point of view? I think because the people on the ship are too highly concerned about statuses and for once Allah never taught us to do. They were too stingy with other people, the high class people couldn't care less about people who is lower than them. Allah doesn't like that right. So to show them of how he plays, he made the ship sank by crashing with an iceberg and everyone died because of the Atlantic Ocean being too cold.
I personally think why this airplane crash would be a) Malaysia Airline serves alcohol. In Islam we are not encourage to drink (alcohol), touch them, serve them to people nor sell them to people. I don't know how is this acceptable. I mean okay they have had alcohol for years now and nothing seem to be happening to the airline until today right? so b) Maybe some bad things were happening in the plane. We don't know what happens in that plane right? But Allah does. He sees everything and hears everything. Or Allah saved up this revenge of His until it's the right time which was yesterday. So again this is how He shows them. By bringing bad luck to it.
Of course, I feel bad. I'm mourning with everyone. Plane crashes are never nice. I have been praying to Allah to save them, forgive their sins, to let the army find the plane and let the whole world know what is happening to the plane and people who were in that plane and even if they did crash into the ocean and everyone died, I been praying to Allah to give them peace in their grave. I don't join the people trending #PrayforMH370 because I find it ridiculous. What could be better than actually doing the praying rather than typing it out. I may seem to be like "oh whatever, it's just a plane crash, I don't care" but in reality I do care.
I hope whatever happens to the passengers, Allah will help them. Amin!
Yours truly,
F.
I personally think why this airplane crash would be a) Malaysia Airline serves alcohol. In Islam we are not encourage to drink (alcohol), touch them, serve them to people nor sell them to people. I don't know how is this acceptable. I mean okay they have had alcohol for years now and nothing seem to be happening to the airline until today right? so b) Maybe some bad things were happening in the plane. We don't know what happens in that plane right? But Allah does. He sees everything and hears everything. Or Allah saved up this revenge of His until it's the right time which was yesterday. So again this is how He shows them. By bringing bad luck to it.
Of course, I feel bad. I'm mourning with everyone. Plane crashes are never nice. I have been praying to Allah to save them, forgive their sins, to let the army find the plane and let the whole world know what is happening to the plane and people who were in that plane and even if they did crash into the ocean and everyone died, I been praying to Allah to give them peace in their grave. I don't join the people trending #PrayforMH370 because I find it ridiculous. What could be better than actually doing the praying rather than typing it out. I may seem to be like "oh whatever, it's just a plane crash, I don't care" but in reality I do care.
I hope whatever happens to the passengers, Allah will help them. Amin!
Yours truly,
F.
Saturday, March 8, 2014
Facing Your Fears.
Hey all! How have you guys been doing? Hope you guys are doing fine.
Well I know I am! I went out today.... FINALLY! Well just because some guy asked me out so I went out with him basically. At first he wanted me to accompany him watch a movie called "300: Rise of an Empire" so I said okay. Then, he started suggesting me to watch a Horror movie called "Haunt" and I kept denying like saying "NO! PLEASE NO! I DON'T DO HORROR MOVIES WELL." So we decided to go with the first choice. After that, I started getting curious with the movie so I Googled about it and I read the plot, not the trailer, the plot and I actually find it sort of interesting... I don't know man. So the whole the thought of watching that movie was in my mind until we met. I told him I feel like watching that and we ended up watching something I don't really want but I feel like watching.... get it? Me neither. I was really scared and not ready but I succeed in watching it that's for sure. The whole time while watching I kept covering my eyes at the part where the scary part will appear and my friend kept saying "Hey! Don't cover it. Watch!" and I'm just like NO. But the movie plot is actually interesting. Phew! I survived the movie. I haven't been watching a horror movie for a very very long time.
I don't do horror/thriller well. Maybe because I have a weak heart but people always say fear Allah more than to fear something that probably doesn't exist and it's just the demon playing with your mind. I always keep that in mind but sometimes I just can't help it you know.
Well at least I face my fears today. Probably will be my last time watching heh...
Yours truly,
F.
Friday, March 7, 2014
Stray Cats.
Well yes something along the way happened today.
It was during the evening before the sun set. During this time I always put my cat, Blacky in her cage. Today, while putting her in the cage, I heard sounds. I heard kittens meowing from outside. So I couldn't help myself but to see it myself. So I went out to my backdoor and tried to find the sound and I found it. It was definitely kittens. I saw the kittens and their mum together. When I tried coming closer the kittens grouped up together but the mum ran away across the road, I felt bad so I went away so they can be together again. I couldn't help myself but to just watch them for a while. The kittens were indeed adorable. They have the same fur colour as the mum. Orange with white snow shoes (paws covered in white colour). It was just so adorable. A tear almost fell down my cheek because I know how those kittens won't survive long. Maybe lucky only one or two will survive. It's has always been like that with stray cats. If the female cat gets pregnant and gave birth, they can't really take care of them because the mother needs to search for food and the kittens will probably be stranded somewhere hidden or probably follow the mother and anything can happen to them since it's at a neighbourhood area where cars can just drive through whenever. I really have the heart to take them in but my parents won't allow because we already have too many cats to take care of.
I'm honestly weak when it comes to stray cats. I always try to play with them eventhough they are scared of us. When I went back to Blacky to give her food, I thought to myself, my cats are lucky to have owners that can feed them daily, get them healthy while the stray cats have to survive alone... It's unfortunate really.
Yours truly,
F.
It was during the evening before the sun set. During this time I always put my cat, Blacky in her cage. Today, while putting her in the cage, I heard sounds. I heard kittens meowing from outside. So I couldn't help myself but to see it myself. So I went out to my backdoor and tried to find the sound and I found it. It was definitely kittens. I saw the kittens and their mum together. When I tried coming closer the kittens grouped up together but the mum ran away across the road, I felt bad so I went away so they can be together again. I couldn't help myself but to just watch them for a while. The kittens were indeed adorable. They have the same fur colour as the mum. Orange with white snow shoes (paws covered in white colour). It was just so adorable. A tear almost fell down my cheek because I know how those kittens won't survive long. Maybe lucky only one or two will survive. It's has always been like that with stray cats. If the female cat gets pregnant and gave birth, they can't really take care of them because the mother needs to search for food and the kittens will probably be stranded somewhere hidden or probably follow the mother and anything can happen to them since it's at a neighbourhood area where cars can just drive through whenever. I really have the heart to take them in but my parents won't allow because we already have too many cats to take care of.
I'm honestly weak when it comes to stray cats. I always try to play with them eventhough they are scared of us. When I went back to Blacky to give her food, I thought to myself, my cats are lucky to have owners that can feed them daily, get them healthy while the stray cats have to survive alone... It's unfortunate really.
Yours truly,
F.
Learning New Facts About Islam.
First of all, thank you Allah for making me go to the class with mum. The topics we learn today was really nice. It was from how to "bertaqwa", social problems a.k.a how we should avoid people who drinks to finishing the 8th surah, Al- Anfal about the how to win an Islam war. It did brought me to my senses and realized my mistake on how I handle life.
I realized now how I must not sit among the people who drinks (alcohol) or even get close to them. It is consider as a laknat to Him. I realized in that moment how I've been playing it cool among people who drank and it's sad how some of them are Muslim. It's really sad to see the world becoming like the old Jahiliyyah days and how we can't celebrate Chinese New Year, Merry Christmas and even Happy New Year because Islam only follows one calendar and that is the Islam calendar called Hijri calendar. We can't even say the word "Happy New Year", "Chinese New Year" and "Merry Christmas" because in Islam we don't celebrate those celebration that is celebration within Christians. I learn how powerful "bertaqwa" is. Once you have that lock down in your heart, Allah will always be there to help you when needed.
I think I should go to these classes from now on. While I'm still on holiday. Definitely won't have time when my class starts. Such a pity....
I'm blessed to have been able to learn these new things about Islam. Amin!
Yours truly,
F.
Thursday, March 6, 2014
Reunion?
Sorry for not updating yesterday's whereabouts.
So my old friend who is apparently somehow my cousin came by my house yesterday morning. Haven't seen her in ages! We just talked about life, past and then she started asking me if I met any old friends of mine... and it made me think.
I mean I am still friends with a bunch of my old friends who we used to be close with when we were young on Facebook. I do have the thought of seeing them again, catching up and just talk but it's not easy for me. I don't know... maybe because most of them are guys. Maybe because I don't know what to talk about because we're different now. Everyone's personality seems to change. It became hard. I did meet with one of my old classmate from primary school. It was nice at first then we had a misunderstanding about something and we stopped, just like that. That was that.... Sometimes I bump into them and we would say hi and talk for a few minutes then bid our goodbyes. It's really hard... In all honesty, I really want to catch up with my old friends who I used to be close with, I miss them. It's just everyone has their excuses of not making it come true.
Sigh...
F.
So my old friend who is apparently somehow my cousin came by my house yesterday morning. Haven't seen her in ages! We just talked about life, past and then she started asking me if I met any old friends of mine... and it made me think.
I mean I am still friends with a bunch of my old friends who we used to be close with when we were young on Facebook. I do have the thought of seeing them again, catching up and just talk but it's not easy for me. I don't know... maybe because most of them are guys. Maybe because I don't know what to talk about because we're different now. Everyone's personality seems to change. It became hard. I did meet with one of my old classmate from primary school. It was nice at first then we had a misunderstanding about something and we stopped, just like that. That was that.... Sometimes I bump into them and we would say hi and talk for a few minutes then bid our goodbyes. It's really hard... In all honesty, I really want to catch up with my old friends who I used to be close with, I miss them. It's just everyone has their excuses of not making it come true.
Sigh...
F.
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Gloom.
Wow...
Today has been a very....... tiring day. Honestly, I didn't do much. I mean I slept at like 1:30AM and got up at 8:50AM and in that moment, I felt cold, weak, my throat was hurting and............. sick. So I decided to wear my "winter" hoodie because I felt so cold for no reason. Had my Mandarin class, boy the result for my exercise wasn't good. I seriously couldn't think properly. All I wanted was a rest. My eyes felt like dropping. I was really feeling so weak. I had my breakfast. Basically my morning was just me staying in bed. Then, I had piano class in the afternoon. I made the stupidest idea ever! I wore my "winter" hoodie to class. I mean I still felt cold but the room was warm... I bet people thought I was crazy. Surprisingly, my time at piano class wasn't as bad as this morning. Maybe because it was still morning........ yeah. Got home, played with my niece. Couldn't help myself but to take a picture of the flowers blooming and falling down outside my house. Malaysia is having a Spring season same like other countries. I mean seriously Malaysia has no 4 seasons whatsoever but they have those days where they want to be cold and windy, or spring, rainy months and mostly sunny. It's really fascinating really. The whole evening was just me lying in bed using my laptop. Well I did manage to read my Holy Quran after I prayed Asar. It felt refreshing. Went I wanted to eat dinner, that's when my feels starting becoming even more weak. I almost lost my appetite, I'm getting headaches and I'm just having joint pains. I think all this feels are from the haze that's been happening here.
Hmm....
Today has been a very....... tiring day. Honestly, I didn't do much. I mean I slept at like 1:30AM and got up at 8:50AM and in that moment, I felt cold, weak, my throat was hurting and............. sick. So I decided to wear my "winter" hoodie because I felt so cold for no reason. Had my Mandarin class, boy the result for my exercise wasn't good. I seriously couldn't think properly. All I wanted was a rest. My eyes felt like dropping. I was really feeling so weak. I had my breakfast. Basically my morning was just me staying in bed. Then, I had piano class in the afternoon. I made the stupidest idea ever! I wore my "winter" hoodie to class. I mean I still felt cold but the room was warm... I bet people thought I was crazy. Surprisingly, my time at piano class wasn't as bad as this morning. Maybe because it was still morning........ yeah. Got home, played with my niece. Couldn't help myself but to take a picture of the flowers blooming and falling down outside my house. Malaysia is having a Spring season same like other countries. I mean seriously Malaysia has no 4 seasons whatsoever but they have those days where they want to be cold and windy, or spring, rainy months and mostly sunny. It's really fascinating really. The whole evening was just me lying in bed using my laptop. Well I did manage to read my Holy Quran after I prayed Asar. It felt refreshing. Went I wanted to eat dinner, that's when my feels starting becoming even more weak. I almost lost my appetite, I'm getting headaches and I'm just having joint pains. I think all this feels are from the haze that's been happening here.
Hmm....
Bad Choices.
Truthfully, I had a pretty rough months ever since that incident happened. I was feeling lonely, depressed, unsatisfied, one-sided, frustrated with myself so I made some pretty bad choices along the way. There was a time where I was so desperate in need of someone to be by my side, so I went and texted the guy who ruined my relationship (I'm gonna state him as GUY B) with this guy who shall not be named (GUY A) who is also my ex. I asked GUY B "Have you ever thought of getting a second chance from me." or "Call me. I want to talk to you. I miss you." that kind of thing. I was that desperate. To even go back to the one person I was suppose to hate. Though in all honesty, I still can't forgive GUY B and myself for what happen. Thankfully, GUY B didn't reply me back nor called me. I wouldn't want to imagine what would happen if he actually did reply or call me back that night. So I was left being confused and even more miserable. It was those time where you sleep late in the middle of the night that made you think about these stuffs. It happened to me. In those months, I did a lot of stuff. From trying to make GUY A talk to me again or at least make things right to thinking that I want to get back together with GUY B. I was in such a messed. But of course all my efforts I did for GUY A was just in vain. You can say I think back about all this for at least twice a month. The saddest thing is, no one knew about this. I didn't have that one special friend that actually knows what's going on and would understand me. Everytime people ask me how am I, I was just say "Yeah. I'm fine." but sometime when I feel really icky I would just straight away say "I'm not fine." I mean yeah I have friends that knows about the incident but I couldn't talk to them about these issues because some of them will criticize and judge me instead of helping. I was dealing with this all by myself.
and today. It happened... GUY B called me, finally. I actually wanted to talk to him. I wanted to tell him what he did and what I did. He was giving me advice that I already pretty much heard from everybody. He even reminded me about that drunk text I texted to him. I seriously had forgotten about that, then it hit me like a brick. I realized maybe all I needed was someone to bring me back to my senses. Feeling like a slap in the face kind of thing. Well... he did, sort of. Honestly, when we were talking. I wasn't myself. I was so distracted by something else, by something else I meant by me trying to make my niece stop being a such a nuisance and also I wasn't really in my head. So whatever he said was pretty much a blur now. Well okay after we hung up, I had to text him to tell him what's up. So I told him that I was in my drunk mode that night probably because I was lonely and I really miss GUY A so much and that maybe I just needed someone to talk to about this. Of course, he didn't reply. I already expected him to not reply so it was fine.
Clearly, karma is a bitch.
But yesterday made me realized something. Maybe I still have hope. GUY A did something that made me see hope. I was really surprised, I couldn't stop thinking about it. Frankly, I REALLY wanted to tell someone about it, but I was like "who should I tell.... no one knows what's up. I can't tell those people." so I just enjoyed my little joy with myself. Maybe he's slowly opening up. Maybe he's slowly feels bad for me (I doubt it though but who knows). Maybe one day I'll finally get the wish I hoped for and it does not involve having back the relationship eventhough I really want that but it was the friendship that I wanted most back...
Maybe...
F.
and today. It happened... GUY B called me, finally. I actually wanted to talk to him. I wanted to tell him what he did and what I did. He was giving me advice that I already pretty much heard from everybody. He even reminded me about that drunk text I texted to him. I seriously had forgotten about that, then it hit me like a brick. I realized maybe all I needed was someone to bring me back to my senses. Feeling like a slap in the face kind of thing. Well... he did, sort of. Honestly, when we were talking. I wasn't myself. I was so distracted by something else, by something else I meant by me trying to make my niece stop being a such a nuisance and also I wasn't really in my head. So whatever he said was pretty much a blur now. Well okay after we hung up, I had to text him to tell him what's up. So I told him that I was in my drunk mode that night probably because I was lonely and I really miss GUY A so much and that maybe I just needed someone to talk to about this. Of course, he didn't reply. I already expected him to not reply so it was fine.
Clearly, karma is a bitch.
But yesterday made me realized something. Maybe I still have hope. GUY A did something that made me see hope. I was really surprised, I couldn't stop thinking about it. Frankly, I REALLY wanted to tell someone about it, but I was like "who should I tell.... no one knows what's up. I can't tell those people." so I just enjoyed my little joy with myself. Maybe he's slowly opening up. Maybe he's slowly feels bad for me (I doubt it though but who knows). Maybe one day I'll finally get the wish I hoped for and it does not involve having back the relationship eventhough I really want that but it was the friendship that I wanted most back...
Maybe...
F.
Monday, March 3, 2014
Back Home.
I just reached home a few hours ago.
I'm so glad to be home. Yeah, eventhough I hate the city, I still love my house. I miss my cats so much, my niece, my dad, my brothers and sister, my room.. literally everything in this house.
My time in Terengganu was the best! Good food, good environment, great view, great company. Just lovely! The trip to the airport this morning was so beautiful. When my grandaunt was driving us to the airport, I could see the sun rising from the sea in front of us. It was the best thing! I wish I could stop and take pictures or even watch the sun comes up. I was just so marvelous. Allah's creation is definitely beautiful.
The first thing I did when I reached home was definitely go up and search my baby cat. Well she's not a baby anymore. She's a senior but she will always be my baby. I didn't even have to find her, she came to me when I was about to find her. I missed her so much. Went to see my other cats. Missed all of them so much!
It's really good to be home.
Yours truly,
F.
I'm so glad to be home. Yeah, eventhough I hate the city, I still love my house. I miss my cats so much, my niece, my dad, my brothers and sister, my room.. literally everything in this house.
My time in Terengganu was the best! Good food, good environment, great view, great company. Just lovely! The trip to the airport this morning was so beautiful. When my grandaunt was driving us to the airport, I could see the sun rising from the sea in front of us. It was the best thing! I wish I could stop and take pictures or even watch the sun comes up. I was just so marvelous. Allah's creation is definitely beautiful.
The first thing I did when I reached home was definitely go up and search my baby cat. Well she's not a baby anymore. She's a senior but she will always be my baby. I didn't even have to find her, she came to me when I was about to find her. I missed her so much. Went to see my other cats. Missed all of them so much!
It's really good to be home.
Yours truly,
F.
Sunday, March 2, 2014
Seeing Things.
Went out again today.
I was trying to get the attention from this really adorable cat when I saw this oh so so good looking kid. He's like the cutest thing ever. The cat was coincidentally in front of his house and he was out on the stairs looking at me. In my mind I was like "omg he's so good looking." He was really.. He kept trying to get my attention. Whenever I smiled at him, he would be embarrassed and goes back in his house, then he would come back out again and I would the same thing over and over until his mum was like "What's wrong with you." to the kid. The kid sister came out as well. Both of them were so cute. He's gonna be one good looking guy when he grows up.
Then there was this house who had a pet monkey. I was like "who would want a monkey...." Apparently the owner bought him when he was still a baby. It's been 15 years now. It's sad how the monkey is locked up in his cage and can't get out. They said it might be dangerous if they let him out and he would die because he's so used to being fed, he wouldn't be able to find food for himself. The monkey isn't trained well also so he would bite people. It's sad really.
I miss going to old houses. Like those really OLD HOUSES where it's all wood and not bricks.
Oh Allah, I hope you give them enough blessing to survive in this economy we live in. Amin.
Yours truly,
F.
I was trying to get the attention from this really adorable cat when I saw this oh so so good looking kid. He's like the cutest thing ever. The cat was coincidentally in front of his house and he was out on the stairs looking at me. In my mind I was like "omg he's so good looking." He was really.. He kept trying to get my attention. Whenever I smiled at him, he would be embarrassed and goes back in his house, then he would come back out again and I would the same thing over and over until his mum was like "What's wrong with you." to the kid. The kid sister came out as well. Both of them were so cute. He's gonna be one good looking guy when he grows up.
Then there was this house who had a pet monkey. I was like "who would want a monkey...." Apparently the owner bought him when he was still a baby. It's been 15 years now. It's sad how the monkey is locked up in his cage and can't get out. They said it might be dangerous if they let him out and he would die because he's so used to being fed, he wouldn't be able to find food for himself. The monkey isn't trained well also so he would bite people. It's sad really.
I miss going to old houses. Like those really OLD HOUSES where it's all wood and not bricks.
Oh Allah, I hope you give them enough blessing to survive in this economy we live in. Amin.
Yours truly,
F.
Pretty Much A Player.
Or pretty much just sucker for cute boys who pretty much treats me like a princess.
All my life, there will be some random guy I would fall for... can pretty much say every month. I may sound desperate but nope it's not that, it's just me being a fucking hopeless romantic. I fall for sweet, nice guy easily and it's easy for me to forget about that guy if I stop seeing him for a while. Unfortunately, if I ever meet that guy again, that feeling will sort of comeback but it's definitely not love but there exceptions where I really don't have feelings for that guy again after meeting him. I always wonder why... is it because I'm weak... is it because I'm desperate for love? I don't know.. I still can't find the answer.
I'm pretty much the type of girl who wouldn't mind making the first move, well not all was successful. There's a few rare ones. It's very rare for me to get a guy who would come to me first. That guy who shall not be named managed to come to me first before I made the first move until I ruined the relationship. I never had a real real first love yet. Every relationship was just a "puppy" love. Maybe my last relationship was something I would call "first love"... sort of. I'm 19 this year, all my aunts and uncles asked me to find a guy before it's too late. It's not that easy.... my mum wants me to be with an older man.... that's impossible if I'm friends with guys who is same age or younger than me.
I've actually come to the decision which I don't want to really focus on this anymore when degree starts? I want to leave to it Allah. Your "the one" will come when Allah says he's "the one".
Amin.
Yours truly,
F.
All my life, there will be some random guy I would fall for... can pretty much say every month. I may sound desperate but nope it's not that, it's just me being a fucking hopeless romantic. I fall for sweet, nice guy easily and it's easy for me to forget about that guy if I stop seeing him for a while. Unfortunately, if I ever meet that guy again, that feeling will sort of comeback but it's definitely not love but there exceptions where I really don't have feelings for that guy again after meeting him. I always wonder why... is it because I'm weak... is it because I'm desperate for love? I don't know.. I still can't find the answer.
I'm pretty much the type of girl who wouldn't mind making the first move, well not all was successful. There's a few rare ones. It's very rare for me to get a guy who would come to me first. That guy who shall not be named managed to come to me first before I made the first move until I ruined the relationship. I never had a real real first love yet. Every relationship was just a "puppy" love. Maybe my last relationship was something I would call "first love"... sort of. I'm 19 this year, all my aunts and uncles asked me to find a guy before it's too late. It's not that easy.... my mum wants me to be with an older man.... that's impossible if I'm friends with guys who is same age or younger than me.
I've actually come to the decision which I don't want to really focus on this anymore when degree starts? I want to leave to it Allah. Your "the one" will come when Allah says he's "the one".
Amin.
Yours truly,
F.
Saturday, March 1, 2014
Emotional Breakdown.
My day has been crappy. Well okay maybe not my day. Just my night. It was all plain crappy. I was watching "Awkward" and made me think about people I'm suppose to forget about. I was crying over the episodes AND my crappy thoughts. From trying to get back together with someone to crying over Jake and Jenna's break up.
I've Cracked.
I've have officially cracked.
I- I can't take it anymore. I still love that guy.................... I tried. I just can't let go. My head says no but my heart says yes. I still want him back. I still want to him to take me back. I still... It has been almost 4 months since that last incident happened and ever since I've been hoping he would come back to his senses but my hope was just in vain. He still wouldn't talk to me... It's unfair he moved on faster than me. How can he do that... I know what I did was really hurtful but I learned from my mistake. I'm having a mental breakdown. I can't take it anymore. I want to talk to someone about this but I don't have anyone... I wish I can tell this to his best friend but it's not easy for me. I'm literally holding back my tears just because I'm somewhere else that is not my room or I would have cried bucket of tears. I really just want to make things better between us eventhough I know he somehow already have someone else in his life. I just want to have another chance to not mess it up.
I- I can't take it anymore. I still love that guy.................... I tried. I just can't let go. My head says no but my heart says yes. I still want him back. I still want to him to take me back. I still... It has been almost 4 months since that last incident happened and ever since I've been hoping he would come back to his senses but my hope was just in vain. He still wouldn't talk to me... It's unfair he moved on faster than me. How can he do that... I know what I did was really hurtful but I learned from my mistake. I'm having a mental breakdown. I can't take it anymore. I want to talk to someone about this but I don't have anyone... I wish I can tell this to his best friend but it's not easy for me. I'm literally holding back my tears just because I'm somewhere else that is not my room or I would have cried bucket of tears. I really just want to make things better between us eventhough I know he somehow already have someone else in his life. I just want to have another chance to not mess it up.
Friday, February 28, 2014
Nothing much happened today.
I finally went around town today. The weather was just extra hot today, I'm not kidding! My feet literally felt burning while standing to buy desert. The original plan was to go do face facial with mother and my grandaunt but because of the price we decided not to do it. So we just drove around town and ate lunch and then went home. That was it!
I had nothing on my mind. Oh except this morning, I was so sad and disappointed that my most anticipated showcase just got cancelled this morning due to changes in the sponsorship and the idol's company not agreeing to postponing it. I was really excited to go for the showcase, it was suppose to be next Saturday on the 8th of March but not anymore...
Well that was it. Chatted with my good friend. Eating bunch of food. I swear coming here will always makes your mind go "EAT THIS! EAT THAT!". I've eaten too many these 2 days but no regrets!
Going to be home alone tonight well my granduncle will be here while the others go out somewhere without me. Basically I'll just be lurking around the Internet and probably watch the shows I have on this laptop that I was suppose to watch while I'm here and just draw!
Have a great weekend!
Yours truly,
F.
I finally went around town today. The weather was just extra hot today, I'm not kidding! My feet literally felt burning while standing to buy desert. The original plan was to go do face facial with mother and my grandaunt but because of the price we decided not to do it. So we just drove around town and ate lunch and then went home. That was it!
I had nothing on my mind. Oh except this morning, I was so sad and disappointed that my most anticipated showcase just got cancelled this morning due to changes in the sponsorship and the idol's company not agreeing to postponing it. I was really excited to go for the showcase, it was suppose to be next Saturday on the 8th of March but not anymore...
Well that was it. Chatted with my good friend. Eating bunch of food. I swear coming here will always makes your mind go "EAT THIS! EAT THAT!". I've eaten too many these 2 days but no regrets!
Going to be home alone tonight well my granduncle will be here while the others go out somewhere without me. Basically I'll just be lurking around the Internet and probably watch the shows I have on this laptop that I was suppose to watch while I'm here and just draw!
Have a great weekend!
Yours truly,
F.
Thursday, February 27, 2014
The Ocean.
Well technically it's called the sea because South China Sea is where I am.
I finally got to step my foot on the beach. The beach I always admire whenever I come here. It's a really beautiful place. Very picturesque. Here's a proof shot at how dangerous this sea is.
Sort of the deadly waves. You'll definitely be eaten by the waves if you step in. I'm not even kidding. There has been history of people dying in this sea. Very deadly... *shivers*
But it's really beautiful the God creation.... MashaAllah!
I finally got to step my foot on the beach. The beach I always admire whenever I come here. It's a really beautiful place. Very picturesque. Here's a proof shot at how dangerous this sea is.
Sort of the deadly waves. You'll definitely be eaten by the waves if you step in. I'm not even kidding. There has been history of people dying in this sea. Very deadly... *shivers*
But it's really beautiful the God creation.... MashaAllah!
Reached Destination.
Here I am.... finally!
Just reached my destination 4 hours ago. It has been great so far. Got to eat the lovely famous food here in Terengganu, Nasi Dagang! and here I am at my grandaunt's house just chilling. While on our way to her house, I could see the ocean on my right. I kept staring at it thinking how this is something I really wanted. A proper vacation where you get to run away from the city and let go all of your worries back home. In other words! The ocean is beautiful, of course from the creation of Allah.
Even from inside the plane, the view was marvelous. The clouds were beautiful! I managed to take a few shots of it. I love clouds in the morning. It's just so pretty! I look through the window and wonder how from afar the earth looks flat but in reality from space it's actually round. It's really amazing how Allah created something like that.
Being here with mum is just amazing! I really want to spend a lot of time with mum while I'm still on holiday because when I start going back to university, no more bonding time with mum. I'll be even more busier than ever this course. I can tell, everytime I reach home after a tiring day in campus, I'll be screaming "MUMMY!!!!!!!" and hug her tightly and say "I miss you mum!". I'm really trying to be that daughter that won't disobey her mum because heaven is below your mum's right feet. You disobey your parents, you're considered as a rebellious child.
I hope I get to walk at the beach this evening and take beautiful pictures and hopefully get to see the sunset, insyaAllah.
Thank you Allah for giving us this opportunity to spend time together at a beautiful place like this.
Yours truly,
F.
Just reached my destination 4 hours ago. It has been great so far. Got to eat the lovely famous food here in Terengganu, Nasi Dagang! and here I am at my grandaunt's house just chilling. While on our way to her house, I could see the ocean on my right. I kept staring at it thinking how this is something I really wanted. A proper vacation where you get to run away from the city and let go all of your worries back home. In other words! The ocean is beautiful, of course from the creation of Allah.
Even from inside the plane, the view was marvelous. The clouds were beautiful! I managed to take a few shots of it. I love clouds in the morning. It's just so pretty! I look through the window and wonder how from afar the earth looks flat but in reality from space it's actually round. It's really amazing how Allah created something like that.
Being here with mum is just amazing! I really want to spend a lot of time with mum while I'm still on holiday because when I start going back to university, no more bonding time with mum. I'll be even more busier than ever this course. I can tell, everytime I reach home after a tiring day in campus, I'll be screaming "MUMMY!!!!!!!" and hug her tightly and say "I miss you mum!". I'm really trying to be that daughter that won't disobey her mum because heaven is below your mum's right feet. You disobey your parents, you're considered as a rebellious child.
I hope I get to walk at the beach this evening and take beautiful pictures and hopefully get to see the sunset, insyaAllah.
Thank you Allah for giving us this opportunity to spend time together at a beautiful place like this.
Yours truly,
F.
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
Running Away.
I am the most happiest when someone brings me to the beach.
I'm really excited to go to the beach tomorrow. Run away from the city, run away from reality, run away from all the worries I've been having, run away from all the problems I don't want to handle anymore, run away from everyone else. I wish I could run away from the virtual life I'm having here. I'll be bringing my laptop so I'll still post while I'm there.
Where am I going exactly?
I'm going to my grandaunt's house in Terengganu. She lives in front of the beach. You go out of her house you can see the beach, basically you just have to cross the road and walk for a few minutes and you have reached your paradise. Sad that the beach there can't be swam because of the ocean pressure being strong. It is still get you excited and relax your mind though. I really need this...
I want to sit on the sand, paint my surrounding, relax my mind by listening to the ocean wave. Ah... I can already imagine it in my mind.
There'll definitely be adventure while I'm there with my mother. Of course, I'll share with you guys.
Wait for me beach...
Yours truly,
F.
Well great! Just when I thought things got better it just got worst! Right after my thoughts took over to stalk he who shall not be named, the clock stopped me from continuing to do so because I almost forgot about how at 4pm every Wednesday, I have to watch this show called After School Club (It's a K-pop thing.). I turned off my stalking mode and switched on my inner fangirl mode. I'm just glad that stopped me from doing something I really don't want.
But.....
There was a downside to it. I was so busy stalking, watching the show. I forgot to do one thing that was the most important and it was to pray Zohor. The moment the Azan for Asar was heard from my room. I slowly starts to remember how I forgot about Zohor. I am truly disappointed in myself. How could I missed my prayer. This is all Shaytan's doing. It was whispering to my ear telling me to forget about Zohor. No way he's gonna make me forget about Asar now.
I truly apologize oh Allah.
Yours truly,
F.
But.....
There was a downside to it. I was so busy stalking, watching the show. I forgot to do one thing that was the most important and it was to pray Zohor. The moment the Azan for Asar was heard from my room. I slowly starts to remember how I forgot about Zohor. I am truly disappointed in myself. How could I missed my prayer. This is all Shaytan's doing. It was whispering to my ear telling me to forget about Zohor. No way he's gonna make me forget about Asar now.
I truly apologize oh Allah.
Yours truly,
F.
Why!
Abort! Abort!
That was a bad idea. Why did I go back there! Now my thoughts are going all crazy to find out the truth. My stalking mode is on in hopes to find the answers. This will take me all day... I'm suppose to do something else, not this.. THIS THING THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME!! I'm suppose to let it go....... let go everything. More like let go of he who shall not be named.
sigh....
F.
That was a bad idea. Why did I go back there! Now my thoughts are going all crazy to find out the truth. My stalking mode is on in hopes to find the answers. This will take me all day... I'm suppose to do something else, not this.. THIS THING THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME!! I'm suppose to let it go....... let go everything. More like let go of he who shall not be named.
sigh....
F.
Maybe.
Maybe, just maybe...
It's morning here so good morning everyone!
I just woke up from a dream... once again it involves he who shall not be named. I'm so disappointed in myself. At least this time it doesn't involve us being a couple. It was just the three of us, at my house (like what) just chilling, hanging out. It did involve us like going on a flirt mode at some point. Then I woke up...
I came up with a conclusion. If I don't talk or even think about this person, I actually won't dream about him. I mean I haven't been dreaming about anyone for days now. Therefore, I might as well just completely forget about him to prevent from this happening again right?
Yes... I think I will do that. For the sake of my heart...
I'll quote this as it is relevant to how I feel.
Nope, I am definitely not blaming you for falling in love with another woman. I'm definitely not angry. It's just the pain I feel....
Yours truly,
F.
It's morning here so good morning everyone!
I just woke up from a dream... once again it involves he who shall not be named. I'm so disappointed in myself. At least this time it doesn't involve us being a couple. It was just the three of us, at my house (like what) just chilling, hanging out. It did involve us like going on a flirt mode at some point. Then I woke up...
I came up with a conclusion. If I don't talk or even think about this person, I actually won't dream about him. I mean I haven't been dreaming about anyone for days now. Therefore, I might as well just completely forget about him to prevent from this happening again right?
Yes... I think I will do that. For the sake of my heart...
I'll quote this as it is relevant to how I feel.
“I think you still love me, but we can’t escape the fact that I’m not enough for you. I knew this was going to happen. So I’m not blaming you for falling in love with another woman. I’m not angry, either. I should be, but I’m not. I just feel pain. A lot of pain. I thought I could imagine how much this would hurt, but I was wrong.” ― Haruki Murakami, South of the Border, West of the Sun
Nope, I am definitely not blaming you for falling in love with another woman. I'm definitely not angry. It's just the pain I feel....
Yours truly,
F.
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
A day of remembrance.
Good night?
I was telling myself, I would write a post each day at night because well that's when your day finishes right? So yeah..... here I go.
I actually had this urge to write what was happening to my thoughts last night. I regretted making the decision to stalk he who shall not be named. I saw that one post where I felt like my hard work was just in vain. It's so unfair he got to move on so fast and I'm here still stuck hoping that he would come back. How dumb can I be? So I quickly close the tab and just forget that it never happened by doing something that would make me forget what happened 5 minutes ago, by watching Shameless. I almost made the decision to ask you who shall not be named if it was true. I told myself "NO! THAT'S ENOUGH! YOU ALREADY TROUBLED THEM. NO MORE!". Then, I quickly watched my show to calm me down and alhamdulillah, it did...
You will be missed...
Today,
I decided on changing my way of living. It was when I remembered the horrific incident and started remembering why I decided to take this path of youth. It hit me at the back of my head.. I chose this path to go back to the Almighty. Giving up my life to Him, and only Him. The first thing I did was to cover myself up. I succeed in doing it. I already had that intention to cover myself up for a long time, but my mother told me "Do it when you're truly ready." Therefore, I waited until I was fully ready. When that incident happened, I realized this was a sign from Him. He wanted me to realize what I've been doing wrong. I took the vow to cover myself up from now on. I felt even more fresher ever since I started doing it. I know, I'm still doing things wrongly, sins that could bring me to Hell. I always regret every single sins I did. Praying to Allah that he would forgive me as He is forgiving and loving. Every human being can make mistake and they'll be forgiven if they repent on their sins in hope He will forgive you. I decided to start reading the Holy Quran after every 5 prayers. You will always feel your heart feels fresher after you read the Holy Quran. It truly is...
I won't be sad over something so little, "the one" who I always hoped for all my life, crying over all these boys, trying to fit it in the society. No more! I had enough! I'm going to start focusing on my education and future. I am a grown woman now, I should start thinking about tomorrow and future. When He shows you the right one, only then you can work hard on that.
Thinking of ways to handle your life properly with a smile on your face.
Quote:
Yours truly,
F.
I was telling myself, I would write a post each day at night because well that's when your day finishes right? So yeah..... here I go.
I actually had this urge to write what was happening to my thoughts last night. I regretted making the decision to stalk he who shall not be named. I saw that one post where I felt like my hard work was just in vain. It's so unfair he got to move on so fast and I'm here still stuck hoping that he would come back. How dumb can I be? So I quickly close the tab and just forget that it never happened by doing something that would make me forget what happened 5 minutes ago, by watching Shameless. I almost made the decision to ask you who shall not be named if it was true. I told myself "NO! THAT'S ENOUGH! YOU ALREADY TROUBLED THEM. NO MORE!". Then, I quickly watched my show to calm me down and alhamdulillah, it did...
You will be missed...
Today,
I decided on changing my way of living. It was when I remembered the horrific incident and started remembering why I decided to take this path of youth. It hit me at the back of my head.. I chose this path to go back to the Almighty. Giving up my life to Him, and only Him. The first thing I did was to cover myself up. I succeed in doing it. I already had that intention to cover myself up for a long time, but my mother told me "Do it when you're truly ready." Therefore, I waited until I was fully ready. When that incident happened, I realized this was a sign from Him. He wanted me to realize what I've been doing wrong. I took the vow to cover myself up from now on. I felt even more fresher ever since I started doing it. I know, I'm still doing things wrongly, sins that could bring me to Hell. I always regret every single sins I did. Praying to Allah that he would forgive me as He is forgiving and loving. Every human being can make mistake and they'll be forgiven if they repent on their sins in hope He will forgive you. I decided to start reading the Holy Quran after every 5 prayers. You will always feel your heart feels fresher after you read the Holy Quran. It truly is...
I won't be sad over something so little, "the one" who I always hoped for all my life, crying over all these boys, trying to fit it in the society. No more! I had enough! I'm going to start focusing on my education and future. I am a grown woman now, I should start thinking about tomorrow and future. When He shows you the right one, only then you can work hard on that.
Thinking of ways to handle your life properly with a smile on your face.
Quote:
“Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.” ― Dr. Seuss
Yours truly,
F.
Starting Anew.
Hello.
It has been 2 years since the last time I touched this blog. I used to say "Hey! Maybe I should make a new one to write stuff because that old one is filled with too many secrets." and this blog was born. Then I neglected it after a few posts because of personal reasons, of course. I still never gave up on writing. Therefore, here I am, hopefully, starting once again. Writing everyday experiences/adventures here from Monday to Sunday with no doubt. There'll probably be at least 1 or 2 posts, if I feel nice enough, there might be more than that, who knows. Let's just say this will be my own way of psychiatry.
I will officially start with a post by tonight. No promise!
Yours truly,
F.
It has been 2 years since the last time I touched this blog. I used to say "Hey! Maybe I should make a new one to write stuff because that old one is filled with too many secrets." and this blog was born. Then I neglected it after a few posts because of personal reasons, of course. I still never gave up on writing. Therefore, here I am, hopefully, starting once again. Writing everyday experiences/adventures here from Monday to Sunday with no doubt. There'll probably be at least 1 or 2 posts, if I feel nice enough, there might be more than that, who knows. Let's just say this will be my own way of psychiatry.
I will officially start with a post by tonight. No promise!
Yours truly,
F.
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