Falling in love?
Jealousy?
Truth?
Admitting?
Complications.........
That's one word to describe all 4. Complications.....
Honestly, I've always wanted to fall in love but I always feel scared to start it. I was never good at it. I thought maybe it will change when I enter the "adult world" but it is still the same. Probably because I never actually had the chance to properly fall in love, with the right person... I feel like now is the time. The time to take this more seriously. I'm turning 19 years old in 2 weeks, and 20 years old next year. I should start thinking rationally, more like an "adult".
Why am I talking about this? Well because I am in love... I've been in love with the same boy for 2 months now. Still going strong. It all started with just "a crush" then it slowly turned into just more than a crush. He became someone meaningful to me. To be honest, when he said he's developing feelings for me, I was surprised at the same time happy. I was shocked that he actually like me back... So maybe we are "a thing" now. I honestly don't know what to call our relationship. There's no title behind it. He can just push me away anytime he wants. I know I won't, I mean I'm madly in love with him you see. All the days I spent with him has been very lovely to me but behind all those happy memories there's always complications. Complications involving jealousy, truth and admitting. It's funny how it's a one-sided thing too. It's all within me, it's all me, feeling/wanting all three by myself. Don't you think it's unfair to treat someone who clearly hasn't let you go in a very nice way that would twist her mind saying there's still hope between the two of you while at the same time you're "dating" this other girl that you're suppose to pay attention more to? or even think about that other girl's feelings. Like how would she feel when you keep treating her like that. I mean you're nice and all but sometimes you just gotta come forward and tell her that there's no hope for us. If you admitting to me that that feeling of yours towards her has gone, why do I still feel afraid that one day you might push me away and go back to her. I've always had that going around my head for weeks now. I understand how you treat me now is not how I would imagine it would be. We're not at that "relationship" status but how long are you gonna make me wait. How long are you going to stop making that girl be "in the way" of us.... I don't see you making an effort in fixing that.
I always tell myself, be patient. Good things always happen when you wait. He constantly keep reminding me that. Sometimes patient has its limit and mine still hasn't reach there. I'm just hoping it would stay like that. I don't want myself to crack. I don't want to ruin this moment. I should just wait more and see what happens. Go with the flow, you know.
F.
Jealousy?
Truth?
Admitting?
Complications.........
That's one word to describe all 4. Complications.....
Honestly, I've always wanted to fall in love but I always feel scared to start it. I was never good at it. I thought maybe it will change when I enter the "adult world" but it is still the same. Probably because I never actually had the chance to properly fall in love, with the right person... I feel like now is the time. The time to take this more seriously. I'm turning 19 years old in 2 weeks, and 20 years old next year. I should start thinking rationally, more like an "adult".
Why am I talking about this? Well because I am in love... I've been in love with the same boy for 2 months now. Still going strong. It all started with just "a crush" then it slowly turned into just more than a crush. He became someone meaningful to me. To be honest, when he said he's developing feelings for me, I was surprised at the same time happy. I was shocked that he actually like me back... So maybe we are "a thing" now. I honestly don't know what to call our relationship. There's no title behind it. He can just push me away anytime he wants. I know I won't, I mean I'm madly in love with him you see. All the days I spent with him has been very lovely to me but behind all those happy memories there's always complications. Complications involving jealousy, truth and admitting. It's funny how it's a one-sided thing too. It's all within me, it's all me, feeling/wanting all three by myself. Don't you think it's unfair to treat someone who clearly hasn't let you go in a very nice way that would twist her mind saying there's still hope between the two of you while at the same time you're "dating" this other girl that you're suppose to pay attention more to? or even think about that other girl's feelings. Like how would she feel when you keep treating her like that. I mean you're nice and all but sometimes you just gotta come forward and tell her that there's no hope for us. If you admitting to me that that feeling of yours towards her has gone, why do I still feel afraid that one day you might push me away and go back to her. I've always had that going around my head for weeks now. I understand how you treat me now is not how I would imagine it would be. We're not at that "relationship" status but how long are you gonna make me wait. How long are you going to stop making that girl be "in the way" of us.... I don't see you making an effort in fixing that.
I always tell myself, be patient. Good things always happen when you wait. He constantly keep reminding me that. Sometimes patient has its limit and mine still hasn't reach there. I'm just hoping it would stay like that. I don't want myself to crack. I don't want to ruin this moment. I should just wait more and see what happens. Go with the flow, you know.
F.
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