Nothing much happened today.

I finally went around town today. The weather was just extra hot today, I'm not kidding! My feet literally felt burning while standing to buy desert. The original plan was to go do face facial with mother and my grandaunt but because of the price we decided not to do it. So we just drove around town and ate lunch and then went home. That was it!

I had nothing on my mind. Oh except this morning, I was so sad and disappointed that my most anticipated showcase just got cancelled this morning due to changes in the sponsorship and the idol's company not agreeing to postponing it. I was really excited to go for the showcase, it was suppose to be next Saturday on the 8th of March but not anymore...

Well that was it. Chatted with my good friend. Eating bunch of food. I swear coming here will always makes your mind go "EAT THIS! EAT THAT!". I've eaten too many these 2 days but no regrets!

Going to be home alone tonight well my granduncle will be here while the others go out somewhere without me. Basically I'll just be lurking around the Internet and probably watch the shows I have on this laptop that I was suppose to watch while I'm here and just draw!

Have a great weekend!

Yours truly,
F.

The Ocean.

Well technically it's called the sea because South China Sea is where I am.

I finally got to step my foot on the beach. The beach I always admire whenever I come here. It's a really beautiful place. Very picturesque. Here's a proof shot at how dangerous this sea is.

Sort of the deadly  waves. You'll definitely be eaten by the waves if you step in. I'm not even kidding. There has been history of people dying in this sea. Very deadly... *shivers*

But it's really beautiful the God creation.... MashaAllah!

Reached Destination.

Here I am.... finally!

Just reached my destination 4 hours ago. It has been great so far. Got to eat the lovely famous food here in Terengganu, Nasi Dagang! and here I am at my grandaunt's house just chilling. While on our way to her house, I could see the ocean on my right. I kept staring at it thinking how this is something I really wanted. A proper vacation where you get to run away from the city and let go all of your worries back home. In other words! The ocean is beautiful, of course from the creation of Allah.

Even from inside the plane, the view was marvelous. The clouds were beautiful! I managed to take a few shots of it. I love clouds in the morning. It's just so pretty! I look through the window and wonder how from afar the earth looks flat but in reality from space it's actually round. It's really amazing how Allah created something like that.

Being here with mum is just amazing! I really want to spend a lot of time with mum while I'm still on holiday because when I start going back to university, no more bonding time with mum. I'll be even more busier than ever this course. I can tell, everytime I reach home after a tiring day in campus, I'll be screaming "MUMMY!!!!!!!" and hug her tightly and say "I miss you mum!". I'm really trying to be that daughter that won't disobey her mum because heaven is below your mum's right feet. You disobey your parents, you're considered as a rebellious child.

I hope I get to walk at the beach this evening and take beautiful pictures and hopefully get to see the sunset, insyaAllah.

Thank you Allah for giving us this opportunity to spend time together at a beautiful place like this.

Yours truly,
F.

Running Away.

I am the most happiest when someone brings me to the beach.

I'm really excited to go to the beach tomorrow. Run away from the city, run away from reality, run away from all the worries I've been having, run away from all the problems I don't want to handle anymore, run away from everyone else. I wish I could run away from the virtual life I'm having here. I'll be bringing my laptop so I'll still post while I'm there.

Where am I going exactly?

I'm going to my grandaunt's house in Terengganu. She lives in front of the beach. You go out of her house you can see the beach, basically you just have to cross the road and walk for a few minutes and you have reached your paradise. Sad that the beach there can't be swam because of the ocean pressure being strong. It is still get you excited and relax your mind though. I really need this... 

I want to sit on the sand, paint my surrounding, relax my mind by listening to the ocean wave. Ah... I can already imagine it in my mind. 

There'll definitely be adventure while I'm there with my mother. Of course, I'll share with you guys. 

Wait for me beach...

Yours truly,

F.

Well great! Just when I thought things got better it just got worst! Right after my thoughts took over to stalk he who shall not be named, the clock stopped me from continuing to do so because I almost forgot about how at 4pm every Wednesday, I have to watch this show called After School Club (It's a K-pop thing.). I turned off my stalking mode and switched on my inner fangirl mode. I'm just glad that stopped me from doing something I really don't want.

But.....

There was a downside to it. I was so busy stalking, watching the show. I forgot to do one thing that was the most important and it was to pray Zohor. The moment the Azan for Asar was heard from my room. I slowly starts to remember how I forgot about Zohor. I am truly disappointed in myself. How could I missed my prayer. This is all Shaytan's doing. It was whispering to my ear telling me to forget about Zohor. No way he's gonna make me forget about Asar now.

I truly apologize oh Allah.

Yours truly,
F.

Why!

Abort! Abort!

That was a bad idea. Why did I go back there! Now my thoughts are going all crazy to find out the truth. My stalking mode is on in hopes to find the answers. This will take me all day... I'm suppose to do something else, not this.. THIS THING THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME!! I'm suppose to let it go....... let go everything. More like let go of he who shall not be named.

sigh....

F.

Maybe.

Maybe, just maybe...

It's morning here so good morning everyone!

I just woke up from a dream... once again it involves he who shall not be named. I'm so disappointed in myself. At least this time it doesn't involve us being a couple. It was just the three of us, at my house (like what) just chilling, hanging out. It did involve us like going on a flirt mode at some point. Then I woke up...

I came up with a conclusion. If I don't talk or even think about this person, I actually won't dream about him. I mean I haven't been dreaming about anyone for days now. Therefore, I might as well just completely forget about him to prevent from this happening again right?

Yes... I think I will do that. For the sake of my heart...

I'll quote this as it is relevant to how I feel.

“I think you still love me, but we can’t escape the fact that I’m not enough for you. I knew this was going to happen. So I’m not blaming you for falling in love with another woman. I’m not angry, either. I should be, but I’m not. I just feel pain. A lot of pain. I thought I could imagine how much this would hurt, but I was wrong.” ― Haruki Murakami, South of the Border, West of the Sun

Nope, I am definitely not blaming you for falling in love with another woman. I'm definitely not angry. It's just the pain I feel....

Yours truly,
F. 

A day of remembrance.

Good night?

I was telling myself, I would write a post each day at night because well that's when your day finishes right? So yeah..... here I go.

I actually had this urge to write what was happening to my thoughts last night. I regretted making the decision to stalk he who shall not be named. I saw that one post where I felt like my hard work was just in vain. It's so unfair he got to move on so fast and I'm here still stuck hoping that he would come back. How dumb can I be? So I quickly close the tab and just forget that it never happened by doing something that would make me forget what happened 5 minutes ago, by watching Shameless. I almost made the decision to ask you who shall not be named if it was true. I told myself "NO! THAT'S ENOUGH! YOU ALREADY TROUBLED THEM. NO MORE!". Then, I quickly watched my show to calm me down and alhamdulillah, it did...

You will be missed...

Today,

I decided on changing my way of living. It was when I remembered the horrific incident and started remembering why I decided to take this path of youth. It hit me at the back of my head.. I chose this path to go back to the Almighty. Giving up my life to Him, and only Him. The first thing I did was to cover myself up. I succeed in doing it. I already had that intention to cover myself up for a long time, but my mother told me "Do it when you're truly ready." Therefore, I waited until I was fully ready. When that incident happened, I realized this was a sign from Him. He wanted me to realize what I've been doing wrong. I took the vow to cover myself up from now on. I felt even more fresher ever since I started doing it. I know, I'm still doing things wrongly, sins that could bring me to Hell. I always regret every single sins I did. Praying to Allah that he would forgive me as He is forgiving and loving. Every human being can make mistake and they'll be forgiven if they repent on their sins in hope He will forgive you. I decided to start reading the Holy Quran after every 5 prayers. You will always feel your heart feels fresher after you read the Holy Quran. It truly is...

I won't be sad over something so little, "the one" who I always hoped for all my life, crying over all these boys, trying to fit it in the society. No more! I had enough! I'm going to start focusing on my education and future. I am a grown woman now, I should start thinking about tomorrow and future. When He shows you the right one, only then you can work hard on that.

Thinking of ways to handle your life properly with a smile on your face.

Quote:

“Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.” ― Dr. Seuss

Yours truly,
F.

Starting Anew.

Hello.

It has been 2 years since the last time I touched this blog. I used to say "Hey! Maybe I should make a new one to write stuff because that old one is filled with too many secrets." and this blog was born. Then I neglected it after a few posts because of personal reasons, of course. I still never gave up on writing. Therefore, here I am, hopefully, starting once again. Writing everyday experiences/adventures here from Monday to Sunday with no doubt. There'll probably be at least 1 or 2 posts, if I feel nice enough, there might be more than that, who knows. Let's just say this will be my own way of psychiatry.

I will officially start with a post by tonight. No promise!

Yours truly,
F.