I'm sorry for disappearing again.
Ever since class started, I've been so busy with assignments and trying to get enough sleep. I've been going home late everyday because of class ending late evening and being far from home. Alhamdulillah my friend is there to help me get home faster and safer. I can pretty much say I'm getting closer with him. He has been there a lot for me, he accepts my randomness and pretty much everything. I always go to him if I ever needed someone to talk to and he's always there ready to listen and help. Why? Because he knows exactly what to say, he's a wise man. Classes has been great so far, getting friendlier with the classmates. Even though we have this clique of Chinese people that pretty much doesn't want to spread around, they are actually okay. I feel like I've become a teacher's pet this semester. Not that I'm complaining, I actually like getting all the attention from the lecturers. It feels like, reminds me of the old days when I was in my last year of high school. I, myself has become a bit wiser than before. I'm changing how I am little by little even though it seems impossible but I am trying my best. The feel of getting closer with your friends are just amazing. When I'm down they always know how to make me get back up. There this guy who has been making my heart beats faster. I don't know if I want to call it love, it is probably just admiration, the feeling will probably go away unless...... I keep seeing him everyday sometimes three times a day, how can this feels go away just like that *sigh*. I must get to know him soon! He has been making me forget the man I once loved. I need to thank him! I miss my best friend. Almost a month since the last time I saw him. I'm so busy with assignments and classes, I have no time to finish reading "A Perfect Gentleman" by Imran Ahmad *sobs*. I sometimes feel like letting go of everyone and just be alone like in the past. It was the best time of my life, of course the loneliness is there but the peacefulness is great. I remember I decided to sit alone during break for like 4 hours and fate made me notice this guy with crutches. He was sitting at the table, alone. I couldn't help but stare and he noticed so we actually stared at each other for a numerous time. My point is, I wanted to go up to him so badly and just ask him how is he doing, talk to him and be friends but me being a coward, eventually didn't do it and just kept staring at him. Ah! How I miss that day. My relationship with Allah is decreasing, I've been rebellious for a few days. I hate the fact that that feeling of guilt was never there, not once! I remember how the Ustazah told us that when you don't something that is compulsory and the feeling of being scared of Allah is there, you would actually stand up and go do it but I didn't! That feeling of being scared of Him wasn't there. Shaytan overcame my fear instead and controlled my mind saying no to doing something I'm suppose to do. I'm always trying to do my best in becoming a better muslimah everyday but it is not easy when you don't have the faith.
I am going to stop here. Will try and update regularly.
F.
Ever since class started, I've been so busy with assignments and trying to get enough sleep. I've been going home late everyday because of class ending late evening and being far from home. Alhamdulillah my friend is there to help me get home faster and safer. I can pretty much say I'm getting closer with him. He has been there a lot for me, he accepts my randomness and pretty much everything. I always go to him if I ever needed someone to talk to and he's always there ready to listen and help. Why? Because he knows exactly what to say, he's a wise man. Classes has been great so far, getting friendlier with the classmates. Even though we have this clique of Chinese people that pretty much doesn't want to spread around, they are actually okay. I feel like I've become a teacher's pet this semester. Not that I'm complaining, I actually like getting all the attention from the lecturers. It feels like, reminds me of the old days when I was in my last year of high school. I, myself has become a bit wiser than before. I'm changing how I am little by little even though it seems impossible but I am trying my best. The feel of getting closer with your friends are just amazing. When I'm down they always know how to make me get back up. There this guy who has been making my heart beats faster. I don't know if I want to call it love, it is probably just admiration, the feeling will probably go away unless...... I keep seeing him everyday sometimes three times a day, how can this feels go away just like that *sigh*. I must get to know him soon! He has been making me forget the man I once loved. I need to thank him! I miss my best friend. Almost a month since the last time I saw him. I'm so busy with assignments and classes, I have no time to finish reading "A Perfect Gentleman" by Imran Ahmad *sobs*. I sometimes feel like letting go of everyone and just be alone like in the past. It was the best time of my life, of course the loneliness is there but the peacefulness is great. I remember I decided to sit alone during break for like 4 hours and fate made me notice this guy with crutches. He was sitting at the table, alone. I couldn't help but stare and he noticed so we actually stared at each other for a numerous time. My point is, I wanted to go up to him so badly and just ask him how is he doing, talk to him and be friends but me being a coward, eventually didn't do it and just kept staring at him. Ah! How I miss that day. My relationship with Allah is decreasing, I've been rebellious for a few days. I hate the fact that that feeling of guilt was never there, not once! I remember how the Ustazah told us that when you don't something that is compulsory and the feeling of being scared of Allah is there, you would actually stand up and go do it but I didn't! That feeling of being scared of Him wasn't there. Shaytan overcame my fear instead and controlled my mind saying no to doing something I'm suppose to do. I'm always trying to do my best in becoming a better muslimah everyday but it is not easy when you don't have the faith.
I am going to stop here. Will try and update regularly.
F.
