Ah... My tears are dry to even fall down from my eyes. I am tired of crying. I am tired of trying. I am tired of trying to please someone. I AM JUST TIRED!!!! I am in one of those state where someone says no to your confession. Yes... he said no to me. That one guy I was hoping that he would be the one said no to me in front of me. I controlled my tears so much to the point I had to pretend to go to the toilet and cry in there alone. His reason made me feel bad for myself. I feel pathetic. I just got my pride hurt... well my pride has already been hurt since forever to be very honest. All my first move never work, shows how much I have to stop trying to make the first move cause not one guy would say yes. Well look on the bright side, maybe Allah is saving that one guy for me is just that He doesn't want to show it to me yet. I'll just keep praying and hoping for the one to come. I'm giving up... I'm going to stop trying to please some guy that would never like me back. I'm going to stop dressing up to please someone which is a sin. I'm suppose to dress up for myself AND FOR ALLAH. Sometimes I just forgets my priority. Which is to please Allah and not make a sin. I need to reflect. I need to repent my sins. I'm going to stop being obvious in front of every eye candy I see. I am going to stop being that pathetic girl. I'm 19 years old this year, I should be mature and act maturely. I'm turning into an adult next year I need to act like one! But honestly... when I was down last night. He actually tried to make me feel better even though it sort of didn't really work but I appreciate what he tried to do. The next time I see him I'm going to act normal like all this never happened because no I don't want to lose that friendship we had. I am really thankful to my good friend for being there for me that night. Bless him ya Allah for he has help me when I am down. This weekend will be the day where I freshen up and focus on something else rather than focusing on boys. Help me oh Allah as I am asking you for a sincere help right now to give me hope in life.
Amin.
F.
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