5:38PM

Happy Mother's Day!

I love you mum you know that right. 

Sunday has been very productive. Alhamdulillah! Though my plan with my friend got cancelled. I was really looking forward to go jogging and playing futsal to keep fit but oh well. I got to clean my room, change my bed sheets and wash the bathroom after months not actually cleaning it properly due to me being so busy. At least I spent my morning the right way. Had lunch with the family because daddy wanted to have a meeting for my two brothers'wedding in two weeks. Wow! I can't believe one by one they are getting married. My family is getting bigger with more nieces and hopefully nephews. Alhamdulillah! Lunch was delicious, of course. Did a bit of my assignments. It feels really great when you get to finish your assignments early then you don't have to panic and be stressful about it. Though I am pretty nervous for tomorrow's group presentation. I hope I get to present the material in the right way so I get good marks. Oh Allah, help me out! Ah! Did I mention my favourite author replied to my email! Jean Ure replied to my email! I was so happy last night. She answered to my question about "What's her ideal personal space". She gave me all the information I want. I'm surprised she even gave me every details on how she wants her furniture to look like and all. Ah! I can do this assignment more happily now! Good things has been happening to me ever since that day happened. Alhamdulillah as always! I hope this coming week will be good. Celebrating mother's day with mum and my sister tonight. Have a good day everyone!

F.

5:44PM

Ah... My tears are dry to even fall down from my eyes. I am tired of crying. I am tired of trying. I am tired of trying to please someone. I AM JUST TIRED!!!! I am in one of those state where someone says no to your confession. Yes... he said no to me. That one guy I was hoping that he would be the one said no to me in front of me. I controlled my tears so much to the point I had to pretend to go to the toilet and cry in there alone. His reason made me feel bad for myself. I feel pathetic. I just got my pride hurt... well my pride has already been hurt since forever to be very honest. All my first move never work, shows how much I have to stop trying to make the first move cause not one guy would say yes. Well look on the bright side, maybe Allah is saving that one guy for me is just that He doesn't want to show it to me yet. I'll just keep praying and hoping for the one to come. I'm giving up... I'm going to stop trying to please some guy that would never like me back. I'm going to stop dressing up to please someone which is a sin. I'm suppose to dress up for myself AND FOR ALLAH. Sometimes I just forgets my priority. Which is to please Allah and not make a sin. I need to reflect. I need to repent my sins. I'm going to stop being obvious in front of every eye candy I see. I am going to stop being that pathetic girl. I'm 19 years old this year, I should be mature and act maturely. I'm turning into an adult next year I need to act like one! But honestly... when I was down last night. He actually tried to make me feel better even though it sort of didn't really work but I appreciate what he tried to do. The next time I see him I'm going to act normal like all this never happened because no I don't want to lose that friendship we had. I am really thankful to my good friend for being there for me that night. Bless him ya Allah for he has help me when I am down. This weekend will be the day where I freshen up and focus on something else rather than focusing on boys. Help me oh Allah as I am asking you for a sincere help right now to give me hope in life. 

Amin.

F.

Wednesday; 9:41PM.

Hello there...

As always, I'm sorry for going missing. Looks like posting one post a month is going to be thing now. I have tons of stories and thoughts I want to post here but I just don't have the time. I am at my 8th week now and I am that busy with assignments. I need time to relax! It's okay, alhamdulillah, my semester break is in a week. At least I get to rest for a while. 

I did something I would never imagine myself actually doing it. I was brave enough to approach a complete stranger and say hi and became friend. I was brave enough to actually confess to my crush, no not through internet but in person. YES! IN PERSON! Believe it or not, I actually made the first move to actually confess to a guy I've been admiring since October 2013. I still don't know if his answer a yes or no but through my perception it's a 50/50 matter. Honestly, things didn't go awkward when I confessed. We had a good two hours talk where we just sat at the stairs and talk about each other and I fell in love even more. It's a bit risky because he's from a different race/religion but I told myself, you never know if you don't try. I'm willing to take the risk and do this together if he's in. Even though I know the consequences if some problem arise. I'm changing my ways of seeing how relationship works. I don't want the high school type of relationship anymore. I want a relationship where it can get serious. InsyaAllah..

I'm getting closer to two idiots guys. We always hang out with each other in campus despite being in different courses but we get a long so well. Me being the youngest, I always get bullied or teased by them *sigh*. Whenever I have problems, I always go to them because they know what to say and they are the wisest men I know. I am glad I have them. I am also getting closer to this girl in my class. She's like the cutest thing ever! Amin.

F.