Hello there,
Ended my May with confession, deep conversation and a newly information about how someone is jealous of/hates me. I never once in my life heard from someone that someone out there actually is jealous of me and sort of hates me because of my character. It is usually vice versa where I'm the one that will be jealous of other people. I'm quite surprised myself and knowing that that person is my own friend just shocks me really. Probably reason why she's been acting oddly around me. Ah! The reason behind she hates me as well gave me quite the shock. It just how I am. That's just how I treat every guy. I am flirtatious around guys sometimes a bit too much to certain people who I become close to but that's just me, my flaws. Can't really throw it away, it's been like this since school days. Probably why I never get guys. Too flirtatious around every single guy I'm friends with. Well I don't blame her for hating me, if I were someone else, I would hate myself too. I mean being flirty around your friend's boyfriend/ex-boyfriend just gives off the wrong impression to people around you. Or even breaking off the "rule of feminism" you know chicks before dicks... Well at least this is a way for me to fix myself right?
So what is this confession, deep conversation thing? Well technically I didn't confess. The guy himself find out by himself. I straight up told him I didn't want to talk about it to him yet because it's a bad timing but oh well my life consists of bad timings anyway so the secret came out. It wasn't so bad. He wasn't ready, I wasn't ready (sort of) so we're just... friends. It was a pretty meaningful deep conversation of course. I'm stuck between three ridiculous choices 1) hope on him 2) wait for him or 3) go and get him. Note that those "hims" are totally 3 different guys. See what I mean, ridiculous! When I say "hope on him", I mean wait for that "perfect" moment where my second chance will come by. Yes, I met up with him last three days. It was the most meritorious day ever! I finally get to see him after 4 months not seeing each other and finally get to have a proper conversation with him. I get to explain to him about what happen last time, he told me how he felt throughout the whole relationship/break up. We are on good terms now, alhamdulillah. What made it so memorable was that I get to do something I've always wanted... hug him. I get to hug him and what surprised me was he hugged me back. I mean yeah obviously he hugs me back but not that way. It was a hug where he closes his hand together on my back and hugs me tightly. I wasn't expecting him to hug me back like that. At that moment I know that it was definitely not the right time yet. When I say "wait for him", I mean wait until he tells me he's ready. We are getting closer everyday, getting to know each other more which is great. All hopes are on the Almighty himself of course. When I say "go and get him", literally mean GO AND GET HIM. That guy who I've been eye candying since the start of my degree which was in March. 3 months! and I still haven't got the chance or brave enough to approach him and say hi. One thing about this guy is that he has this first impression where you'll be like "wow this guy must be arrogant", also why I couldn't approach him, he intimidates me but we know that both of us exist in our eyes. We already encountered many coincidence meetings. His friend even notice it. Maybe I should approach him by approaching his friends first. Hmm...
I've come to realize that my life consists of bad timing and wrong decisions. Oh well what to do, that's just how Allah wants my life to be.
Decided to study abroad in New Zealand. I'm half excited and half scared because if I go, I have to leave my family, friends, close friends, lovers (cats) and my Eliza (piano). Especially my baby cat, Kitty. I can't imagine how her life would be when I'm not around because we're so used to being with each other every night. 2 years is not short... leaving your close friends is even more terrifying. Especially the one you're in love with... trying to keep in touch won't be that easy. I'll probably be home sick every 2 weeks. Missing my mum, dad, brothers and sister and even my maid. But of course I'm excited to meet new people, experience the culture and experience new things in New Zealand. Why I choose there? I like quite places. New Zealand is the no.1 most peaceful country in the whole world. Who wouldn't want to go there? The surrounding is already beautiful, nature, sheep, the ocean... just beautiful. Subhahanallah! Oh Allah! I pray to you so that you can help me to achieve this goal of mine in being able to study abroad. Amin!
F.
Ended my May with confession, deep conversation and a newly information about how someone is jealous of/hates me. I never once in my life heard from someone that someone out there actually is jealous of me and sort of hates me because of my character. It is usually vice versa where I'm the one that will be jealous of other people. I'm quite surprised myself and knowing that that person is my own friend just shocks me really. Probably reason why she's been acting oddly around me. Ah! The reason behind she hates me as well gave me quite the shock. It just how I am. That's just how I treat every guy. I am flirtatious around guys sometimes a bit too much to certain people who I become close to but that's just me, my flaws. Can't really throw it away, it's been like this since school days. Probably why I never get guys. Too flirtatious around every single guy I'm friends with. Well I don't blame her for hating me, if I were someone else, I would hate myself too. I mean being flirty around your friend's boyfriend/ex-boyfriend just gives off the wrong impression to people around you. Or even breaking off the "rule of feminism" you know chicks before dicks... Well at least this is a way for me to fix myself right?
So what is this confession, deep conversation thing? Well technically I didn't confess. The guy himself find out by himself. I straight up told him I didn't want to talk about it to him yet because it's a bad timing but oh well my life consists of bad timings anyway so the secret came out. It wasn't so bad. He wasn't ready, I wasn't ready (sort of) so we're just... friends. It was a pretty meaningful deep conversation of course. I'm stuck between three ridiculous choices 1) hope on him 2) wait for him or 3) go and get him. Note that those "hims" are totally 3 different guys. See what I mean, ridiculous! When I say "hope on him", I mean wait for that "perfect" moment where my second chance will come by. Yes, I met up with him last three days. It was the most meritorious day ever! I finally get to see him after 4 months not seeing each other and finally get to have a proper conversation with him. I get to explain to him about what happen last time, he told me how he felt throughout the whole relationship/break up. We are on good terms now, alhamdulillah. What made it so memorable was that I get to do something I've always wanted... hug him. I get to hug him and what surprised me was he hugged me back. I mean yeah obviously he hugs me back but not that way. It was a hug where he closes his hand together on my back and hugs me tightly. I wasn't expecting him to hug me back like that. At that moment I know that it was definitely not the right time yet. When I say "wait for him", I mean wait until he tells me he's ready. We are getting closer everyday, getting to know each other more which is great. All hopes are on the Almighty himself of course. When I say "go and get him", literally mean GO AND GET HIM. That guy who I've been eye candying since the start of my degree which was in March. 3 months! and I still haven't got the chance or brave enough to approach him and say hi. One thing about this guy is that he has this first impression where you'll be like "wow this guy must be arrogant", also why I couldn't approach him, he intimidates me but we know that both of us exist in our eyes. We already encountered many coincidence meetings. His friend even notice it. Maybe I should approach him by approaching his friends first. Hmm...
I've come to realize that my life consists of bad timing and wrong decisions. Oh well what to do, that's just how Allah wants my life to be.
Decided to study abroad in New Zealand. I'm half excited and half scared because if I go, I have to leave my family, friends, close friends, lovers (cats) and my Eliza (piano). Especially my baby cat, Kitty. I can't imagine how her life would be when I'm not around because we're so used to being with each other every night. 2 years is not short... leaving your close friends is even more terrifying. Especially the one you're in love with... trying to keep in touch won't be that easy. I'll probably be home sick every 2 weeks. Missing my mum, dad, brothers and sister and even my maid. But of course I'm excited to meet new people, experience the culture and experience new things in New Zealand. Why I choose there? I like quite places. New Zealand is the no.1 most peaceful country in the whole world. Who wouldn't want to go there? The surrounding is already beautiful, nature, sheep, the ocean... just beautiful. Subhahanallah! Oh Allah! I pray to you so that you can help me to achieve this goal of mine in being able to study abroad. Amin!
F.
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