I gotta say after being in the same class for three semester now. I realized a lot of things. Being the only Malay in class is not easy especially when majority of your classmates are all Chinese and they all speak Chinese together. So obviously you will feel left out right. I do have friends in class, I am friends with everyone in class but I only have two person that I'm very close with and one of them is already in a relationship with a guy in our class so that's a minus. Ever since they became together, they have been with each other like literally 24/7. Sometimes I find it annoying but I kind of understand. It's just probably I feel jealous that she's in relationship and I'm not. It's normal right? To feel like that. They are always together that she sometimes doesn't sit or talk with me anymore in class but this semester changed. It's all back normal now. But it's probably because my other close friend isn't here yet, she's still at her hometown. Also one of the reason why I feel left out because without her it feels so empty, like I'm always alone. I'm just waiting for her to come back and everything will be normal. I mean I love my classmates, I really do but the Chinese gangs are always together that sometimes I feel intimidated to be with them or even talk with them. I can try and talk in Chinese with them, which I should but I'm just scared that when I make a mistake with my pronunciation or my intonation that they would judge me. Oh well, I'm just gonna be in my own alone world when Eka is not around. 

I'm really proud of myself, within this 3 years in Taylor's. I made friends with a lot of people from other fields which we should be doing when you're in university. Some are really close to me, some are just friends and most of them are just acquaintance but I'm just glad I get to know them. It's good to get connection with people from other fields, because you can ask for help after we all graduate. So I'm not really worried if I ever become alone in class.

F.

Letting Go.

Letting go of people is never easy. I tried letting go a lot of people in my life and it took me months/years to actually let them go.

And here I am in that position again, trying to let go of someone I love dearly. I still have feelings for him but I said to myself, let's cherish the friendship more so I decided to just keep my friendship with him rather than trying to chase after him. We have known each other for a year now and it has been a great year with him. We tried to be together but I guess it didn't worked out according to him so here we are back as best friend. I gotta say that it's amazing that we came back to normal after what happened. It wasn't awkward or anything, it's like it never happened. So it's pretty amazing.

I'm not gonna chase after him anymore unless something unexpected happen then I might think otherwise.

That Singaporean has clearly let me go. I'm pretty sure he's trying to forget about ever knowing me. It showed when he unfollowed me on Instagram. I honestly think that was an immature move for him to but I understand. I wouldn't be surprised if he actually deleted my number as well. I would to if I were him because I kept pushing myself to him and I kept pushing him to like me back. So it was my fault basically. But oh well can't really do anything about it. But I'm just so upset that he wants to desperately forget me. I mean all I wanted was to become good friends with him after he told me he wasn't ready but I guess he doesn't see that. I just wanted him to talk to me again and start over by being just friends. Like really, is that so hard? But I guess it is to him. I wish him all the best. Though I will try and meet him if I ever go to Singapore because I just want to see him again.

Once in your life, you will experience trying to let go of someone you love and it's never easy, it takes time. They said.

F.

I clearly have no patient in my genes. I'm clearly a very impatient person when it comes to relationship. I keep fidgeting over this guy. Wondering when the hell is he going to talk to me again, when the hell is he ready to meet new people, when the hell is he ready to let me in his life. All this ridiculous thoughts keeps bugging me for days now, hence me having trouble sleeping. When I say "I'll wait." I literally don't mean it, like 80% don't mean it. The other 20% is me messing up things with me waiting. I realized that now. I may or may not have ruined my relationship with this guy. Probably. I can tell he's cutting any kind of relation with me. I still believe in him. I really do.

#MarchWish for you to talk to me again.

Fate.

If you ask me if I believe in fate or love at first sight. Then my answer would be a yes.

Mecca and Madinah were solely for the whole reason of doing my prayers to Allah. Never thought Allah would play with my heart while I was in the holy land of Madinah. I believe that fate brought us together that Allah purposely made us bumped into each other so often that I find it ridiculous. Saw you once, didn't really paid much attention about it then saw you again at the same hotel as mine in Madinah and I just start to flip out thinking what the hell is going on here. Saw you like more than just once in a day is something I shouldn't take lightly I said to myself. For three days of staying in Madinah, you were in my presence everyday. We even went to the same shop at one point and saw each other in the midst of a thousand of crowds after Isyak prayers. Ridiculous I tell you. I couldn't help myself but giggle to this incident. Maybe, I said. I would see him again in Mecca but Allah probably wanted both of us to focus on our main reason for going to Mecca so we didn't see each other for the time we stayed in Mecca. So I stopped thinking about him. Then comes in the last day, something miraculous happened. I never though I would actually bumped into him again. I mean I didn't see him for like 6 days after staying in Madinah. I didn't even talked to him and I didn't even know when he's going back. When you don't expect for something, it will happen... As I was walking to the check in gate, out of nowhere you appeared right in front of me, walking the opposite direction. I was looking at you, you were looking at me. After we passed by each other, I literally giggled at that incident, I thought to myself. Oh Allah are You really trying to play with my heart, are You trying to say that this is someone I should keep. Are You telling me to finally do something right with my relationship. I had all this thought in my mind. At the same time, I had the urge to go up to him and say why do you keep appearing in front of me, WHY. Of course, I didn't do it. I had no balls to go up to him. Fortunately, with the help of my sneaky cousins, they forced me to write down my number on a piece of paper and asked my cousin who is a guy to give it to him personally. So, he did. I wouldn't stop blushing. I had so many negative thoughts. He would think like why is this girl giving her number to me. I, of course thought that it was a bad idea, I shouldn't have done that, obviously he wouldn't actually contact me. I that thought the whole plane ride. The moment I reach my home land, Malaysia. I opened up the WiFi and I got a notification from an unknown number and yes, you guessed it, it was from the man himself. I was so surprised, I giggled to myself, you've done it Fauza. He contacted you. I made fate happen.

My trip will always be remembered and cherished. You don't always get to experience something like this in your daily life. I'm really blessed to Allah for making this happen. I still think there's a reason why we coincidentally keep bumping into each other. There's always a reason behind all the event that Allah creates. InsyaAllah, my relationship will be a good one. Who knows...

Failed Once Again.

I have failed once again to keep my relationship afloat. Well it wasn't technically my fault or his fault. It's just that his feelings for me wasn't there anymore. He stops liking me. He decided that he wants to end our "relationship". He had a change in heart and I accept it. I knew it would happen eventually. So the end.